Crap FENG SHUI Blog

FREE Crab Bites!

2009-05-09T14:52:00.004+08:00

Up for crab grab!

FREE tickets to crappy Canton Talk in KL in June.

If can't get it free.

Then pay RM0.88 cents only lah...

Let's do the crab walk!

Reach for the Stars or dunk for the shits?!

2009-04-22T23:44:00.004+08:00

Turn dreams into nightmares

Goals into fantasies

It takes just one time to get JAPPED! If you're not aware, then Just Jap will jap you again and again for your money!

The one time only happens to be many last times and other times, Crap's pretty sure.

Just a few freaking days to be powerfully skilled in Feng Shui. Even teenagers have to learn a few times to be only good at wanking it away.

Who the heck are they fooling and fucking around with?!

You think the public is stupid?! Wait till they get Good Riddance of you Just Jappy!

Pray to your 3 God and Goddess if you will. You shall need all the help you can get.

Crap shall pray and burn some crab meat for you there. Your favourite dish at your tomb.

You're welcome! Now go wank yourself off!

Online, offline, stop the lie! Please...

2009-04-22T23:24:00.005+08:00

If learning Chinese Metaphysics were really so easy, then everyone would be Feng Shui masters by now. But that's not the fact and truth!

Come on already! Learn online for a substantial discount and get a certification!?

What the fuck is this?! Who the hell are they fooling?!

Stick the crap up their own arse!

Lesser strain on your wallet, but more strain on your brain! Don't let the monsters wash your brain y'all!

And yet another eerie sale...

2009-04-17T00:12:00.004+08:00

Is that right?

Save the environment and paperless?!

YEAH! Right!

Are the paper books not selling well?

Secrets revealed eh?

Go check out all the amatuer books on some bookstore shelves.

Most of the crap books are translated from Chinese classics anyway.

What awful showmanship without the real essence!

Beware of Crap Feng Shui Virus before you waste your hard earned money and start to download a bunch of shitty craps!

Good luck to you too!

Why not just Bright Hall at the Tunnel End?

2009-04-14T00:12:00.005+08:00

If the light was so bright, why didn't those who are regretting see it in the first place?

Sounds more like motivation than Chinese Metaphysics!

They are 2 different issues...

Mixing them both means that neither one is complete knowledge.

If the knowledge was complete, then it would be needless to mix anything together at all.

Chinese Metaphysics is Chinese Metaphysics.

And motivation is motivation.

No everyone is doing badly during an economy crisis.

Some even prosper during turbulence times.

Perhaps the company promoting it is in difficulty, at last...

We shall see how long it will go on, crapping the world with its bundle of crow dung...

The Slum Sale is on again!

2009-04-09T23:50:00.003+08:00

In times of turbulence, it's good to have sales, so that we know that the company (MA - Misery Anatomy) is also going through a difficult time. How do we know that? Well, check out the 25% off Stupid Sale! Happy selling dorks!

Walking the Worms with Crab in China... ... ... and Malaysia

2009-04-06T00:02:00.008+08:00

Nitty Noting: Once a weekend, on an evening after dinner, if you have the chance, interest and time to catch a really crappy TV program on a paid channel of 113, be sure to strap yourself to your chair - just in case - you might be laughing your head off and start rolling on the ground...

Why?

The show is so silly and stupid if you know some things - real things - about Feng Shui. Crab bet that you'll be smiling and laughing away and away...

Why again?

If you don't know anything about Feng Shui, then you might just be impressed!

Not all said and done, let's Walk the Worms with Crap, and with Jappy and 2 chics...

The curtain opens exposing Jappy's breast and nipples underneath that thin white shirt
(Oh please help! Such obscenity!)

Yeah! The word disaster or inauspiciousness is right in Chinese
"How come Crab has never heard of reflection Sha?"
"Must be something new and creative..."

Food for Feng Shui or Feng Shui food?
"Or nothing much to say about Yin Feng Shui?"
Shows how much Jappy knows what she thinks she knows

The silly marketing show also features a little bit of LT
(Perhaps she did learn something from LT after all)
With all due respect to LT for "globalising" Feng Shui

What else not?
The silly show also teaches one how to blow a Hu Lu pipe job
"You go blow girl!"

Seriously now...
Measuring a tombstone at the tombstone is all the correct one lah
"And this she has learned, at last!"

Not so serious now...
Do not be fooled by diagrams meant for tourists
Or her interpretations may just be all the wrong one...

"Aiyaiyaiyaiyai! There are more TV commercials than essence!"
And the chics talk more than her leh...
"Notice the no-tie, unbuttoned sleeves, untucked shirt and jeans?"
"Whatever happened to the tie and the coat?"

Perhaps the generous sponsor has wasted the couple of million RM bucks sponsorship?

The Best Crabseller Ever!

2009-04-05T00:04:00.005+08:00

Why the hell a 50% off when it's a bestseller?

Perhaps it isn't selling that best after all...

Another piece of crab shit from Just Jappy.

Jap Jap Jap Jap Jap Jap Jap Jap Jap Jappy!

Give it a break and stop japping around already!

The Best of the Best of Crab is Back!

2009-04-04T01:11:00.009+08:00

Click on picture to enlarge image

To be the best,

Learn from the best,

Look to the East,

Look to the West,

Don't be fooled by this jest,

Or you'll be beating your chest,

Don't be cheated by this fest,

Or you'll be forever stressed,

But if you're fooled and cheated by the best,

You shall not regret,

For you can always look for the Crab,

So that you won't feel so bad...

A Change of Heart

2009-03-06T16:24:00.005+08:00

Let the

refining

and improving

of your own life

keep you

so busy

that you have

little time

to criticize others.

Kiong Hee Huat Chai Ah!

2009-01-23T19:28:00.000+08:00

Tai Keh Huat Chai Leh... Mooo...

Have a Sexy New Year People!

2009-01-01T12:00:00.003+08:00

Be Naughty...

Be Nice...

Be Whatever...

Be Yourself...

Hoping New Year 2-0-0-9!

Yoho! Yoho! Yoho! Sexy "X" Mas Everybody!

2008-12-24T01:23:00.003+08:00

Hoppy Holelidays!

Crab is going to "WALK THE DRAGON" soon...

2008-11-25T23:11:00.007+08:00

MEMO: After some serious 'Gua Plucking', 'Balls Plucking', Qi Men Dun Jia, Yi Ching, Plum Blossom, Cherry Blossom, Lotus Blossom, Peach Blossom and what-not divinations, Crappy is going on a Feng Shui Excursion Holiday in Spring 2009 to Taiwan which is well-known for producing some famous Feng Shui Masters and also a manufacturer of Luo Pans. Perhaps Crappy could update and upgrade Crappy's Crab Feng Shui knowledge and skills after the excursion. We shall discover more pretty soon...

A Feng Shui Excursion of the little Dragon in Taiwan

PS: Register now! Limited seats! With Early Birdie Price!

PPSS: This is the first and last Feng Shui Excursion in Taiwan. Not a joke!

PPPSSS: They may consider going back to China the next time due to popular demands!

WE'LL SEE!

The King and the Fish Shit Over the Grave

2008-11-15T20:08:00.009+08:00

Note: The following article came from a known source, written by a naive Feng Shui proletarian who is trying very hard to prove himself worthy and to please the hands that feed him. It is such a shame and a bloody embarrassment for someone who doesn't realize what the heck he's writing about. Here's another obtuse attempting to insult the Feng Shui Masters who have gone before him. Eat your silly words boy!

During one of the tomb visits on the recent China Excursion, one student quipped that the tombstone did not have a ‘dragon neck’.

Say what? Some of us stopped dead in our tracks. Did we miss some Feng Shui secret?

“You know,” she said. “The part where the tombstone is connected to the ground via a tunnel of soil...?” She was dead serious so no one laughed. After further cross-examination, she revealed that her previous (and first) exposure to Yin House Feng Shui was somewhat peculiar – a small brick passageway was made right behind the tombstone to the ground, so that the ‘Qi can travel up to the stone’.

I thought the Qi was received by the bones and DNA of the body? Never realized that the stone was supposed to be the recipient of good Feng Shui…

Thankfully, after more Yin House visits all over China later – and seeing that there was no such thing as a ‘dragon neck’ for the tombstone – our dear confused friend was convinced. In fact, older Yin House Feng Shui is done without the tombstone. After all, the point of Feng Shui is to locate a spot which gathers Qi and to use it. In this case, ‘using it’ would mean burial.

Crap Commentaries:~

- Would the ancient Feng Shui Masters actually tell and show others if they did make a 'dragon neck' behind the tombstone or not? Your guess is as good as mine.

- Next time, if anyone goes to a China or even Taiwan or even Hong Kong Feng Shui Excursion, make damn sure you bring a shovel and a hoe to dig the graves to check for the 'dragon neck'!

- If Qi is not received through the tombstone, why then build the tombstone with a specific direction? Why then do we even build houses and buildings? We might all as well stay out in the open to receive the good Qi!

- And just how many dead bodies has the naive author bury? Talk is cheap!

- And and and how many tombstones has the naive author erected other than his own "tool"? Talk is really very cheap!

The Devil Made Me Do It
(The Angel Made Me Debunk This)

Yin House Feng Shui is just another topic that is subjected to a great deal of deliberate misinformation and abuse. Every other person tries to appear mysterious and quirky – which innocent students mistakenly equate to being learned. We hear things like ‘offering rice to the Luo Pan’ after a Yin House consultation because the Luo Pan is a mystical object, although the last any respectable Feng Shui practitioner has heard, Luo Pans are magnetic compasses, made mainly in Taiwan and Hong Kong. Unless you haven’t seen a magnet in your life, a compass would hardly appear as ‘magical’.

One may be tempted to argue that perhaps such spectacular practice belong to the ‘secret knowledge of certain lineage-holders’… but I bid you hold your horses: first of all, no classical text has ever mentioned or even hinted at burial techniques such as ‘building a dragon neck’. In fact, the ‘dragon neck’ refers specifically to the land formation that connects the main dragon to the star form. It’s not something one can reconstruct.

Secondly, no Yin House tomb – successful ones at least – all over the history of China has ever been seen with such a thing! So how come now? Even Grandmaster Yang Yun Song’s own tomb is unmarked – and his good name and work still live on till today; Huang Tai Ji’s founding of the Qing dynasty began with an accidental ancestral burial at the foot of an elm tree, tapping into a ‘Reverse Dragon Overlooking Ancestors’ superior formation.

In fact, there is nothing too extraordinary when it comes to Yin House Feng Shui. If you know your San He landforms fundamentals well, you can do Yin House OR Yang House. However, Flying Stars and Eight Mansions would not suffice. Clearly because those are internal Feng Shui formulas – how do you demarcate the 9 Palace grid inside a tomb? So now if you hear something like ‘using the coffin to tap the double 8 stars’… you know better now.

Crap Commentaries:~

- It's only proper to respect the Luo Pan that every Feng Shui practitioner owns and uses, is there a need to belittle and discredit a Luo Pan saying that it is just a magnet? Why doesn't the naive author use just a magnet then? No wonder his Luo Pan is not respecting him in return; cause he never offers his own Luo Pan rice! Guess his Luo Pan is not yet hungry!

- First of all, the naive author doesn't know how to read Chinese, be it if any Classical text ever mentioned about 'reconstructing a dragon neck' or not. A secret will always remain a secret when no one reveals the truth to one. Do hold your own dumb horse by remembering that someday, thee too shall not dishonour your own 'hidden' lineage.

- A great example where Luck lives longer than Life! How does naive author know if the past Masters's graves have or have not the 'dragon neck'? Did he actually dig the graves to take a look? Silly cow actually believes in accident. Yeah rite! What happened to the Luck element in Chinese Metaphysics? Ignorance is what shows when one thinks that Luck happens by accident!

- Did Crap read using Flying Stars and Eight Mansions for Yin OR Yang House Feng Shui? And using a coffin to tap the double 8 stars? If the coffin starts tapping... RUN!

Aiming For the Neck
(Aiming For the Crap)

In today’s Feng Shui arena, everyone strives to come up with something new. While it is a commendable effort, we should try not to stretch classical principles too thin. Or the novelty wears off. It becomes laughable.

Standing at the actual neck of a dragon (read: mountain range) is truly a humbling/exhilarating experience for every Feng Shui student. Imagine this: you are way up high above ground-level and it’s very windy – but when you find the slight dip of the neck – the winds stops. Because good quality dragon necks are protected by natural mountain formations at the sides, and as such, wind does not hit it.

Why this is so important is because the ‘neck’ connects all the Qi of the main dragon ranges and channels it to the star form where the Qi is released to the vicinity. Left unprotected (the case of inferior dragon ranges), being exposed to the winds means that the quality of Qi is diminished.

And again, I refer to the neck of the actual dragon…

Crap Commentaries:~

- Did the naive author actually stand on a real 'dragon neck'? Perhaps it was just a jutting dragon butt! Wind? Yeah rite! The Dragon farted!

- Well, we can sum up that the naive author knows little but doesn't know a lot. Has he ever seen the 'Dragon Breath'?

- Perhaps the naive author was brought home by a Kingfisher after all, since he's got no lineage. We'll see who gets to laugh out loud and hopefully not the last one to pass out...

"What is this? What is that? What is this and that?"

"Is it the real DRAGON NECK?"

"So which is the real neck and which is the breath?"

The Funky Remix...

2008-11-13T13:01:00.008+08:00

Note: Some Feng Shui monsters like to mix different formulas and methods together in the hope of getting the 'best' of all worlds. But have they succeeded so far? Time and truth shall tell...

If Flying Stars Feng Shui is used for

Pre_dick_tion

and

Eight Mansions Feng Shui is used for

Pre_cock_tion

"What do we get in the end?"

Per_fuck_tion!

Little Boyz to Men to Old Men to OH MAN!

2008-11-07T01:18:00.003+08:00

Feng Shui book for kindergarten level

Feng Shui book for adults only

Feng Shui book for senior citizens

Mr. President is Barack Obama

2008-11-06T00:12:00.005+08:00

Congratulations! The new US President is Mr. Barack Obama, from the Democratic Party! So now 'CHANGE' will prevail in the US of A.

Crap still likes Johnny McCain. Too bad! Perhaps next time Johnny will have another chance. May be better luck next time! Shoot that shorty!

What An Indirect Honour!

2008-10-31T13:30:00.018+08:00

Taken on October 2008

(10 months later)

Taken on December 2007

(10 months earlier)

Taken on October 2008

(10 months later)

Taken on December 2007

(10 months earlier)

The final day began with students doing a final site audit, and this was in Guang Ming Shan temple. The temple is reputedly the 'master work' of Feng Shui master Hong Shuan, who was famous for employing the Xuan Kong Flying Stars Feng Shui methods for performing Feng Shui audits. For this site, students had to assess the external landforms first and foremost, before applying Xuan Kong Flying Stars for the internal sectors and see how it matched up with Master Hong Shuan's assessment.

Crappy Acknowledgement: It is truly an honour for the 'best Feng Shui school' in the world to conduct their practical session at the ever famous Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery on Bright Hill Road, Singapore. It is rather a pleasant surprise as they have been insulting, disrespecting, dishonouring and bad-mouthing lineage and tilted doors.

Poodle Ponderings:~

"Are not all the doors (including the toilet doors) tilted at the Kong Meng San Monastery?"

"Did not the late Master Hung Chuan come from the lineage of T'ang Yang Wu and Yen Pen?"

"How can they audit and tell the exact methods that the late Master Hung Chuan used if they're not from the same lineage?"

"Are they simply guessing, with the hope of hitting the correct answers, if they're lucky enough?"

"Do they know why all the doors were tilted in the first place?"

"Do they know why all the doors were tilted at different angles?"

"Are the Flying Stars charts still the same?"

"Do all the monks at the monastery have crooked mouths?"

"I hope not, as all the monks will die of hunger!"

"It's still not too late to repent and try to learn the right things!"

TIME and TRUTH shall tell...

The Next US President: Unsolicited predictions by people who won't be voting anyway...

2008-10-15T01:28:00.005+08:00

Will the next US President be Mr. John McCain since he's got a good chin?

Will the next US President be Mr. Barack Obama since he's got a pair of good ears?

Crappy Commentary: We shall wait and see the final results if the chin is more dominant or the ears are more dominant?

The Next US President: Elected by the US Citizens or by K.P.C. (ke po ci - busybody) Chinese Metaphysics Astrologers?

2008-10-15T01:08:00.005+08:00

Crappy Commentaries: Crab may not know any Ba Zi or Zi Wei or even Face Reading. But Crab knows when to crap and when not to crap. Let's wait and see what kind of craps some Feng Shui and Ba Zi practitioners have come up with to promote themselves and their skills.

"What has the next US Presidential election got to do with them?" Beats Crab!

But Crab votes for Mr. John McCain as Crab kind of like him, a lot!

Aging graciously with a healthy body and a less crappy mind

2008-10-10T16:15:00.010+08:00

Do you know that by just walking for 30 minutes, 3 to 4 times a week is enough to combat aging?

According to researchers at the University of California, one of the principle causes of deterioration of the human organism’s physical faculties is its diminished ability to metabolize glucose. And they showed that even leisurely exercise, like taking a walk, plays an important role in keeping glucose metabolism functioning smoothly.

Do you spend the whole day sitting at your desk or in front of a computer screen? Why not get up occasionally and do a few minutes of physical exercise? Don’t worry about what other people think.

In some Japanese companies, it has even become a collective habit. Every 20 minutes a bell sounds, and everybody gets up to do some stretching exercises, after which they sit down again as if nothing has happened. Japanese managers are convinced that their employees are more productive when they are relaxed.

Do you know that sexual activities can keep you looking good as you age? Studies conducted in Sweden have shown that elderly people who have sexual partners have much more vitality and a better memory than those who do not.

So don’t let your golden years deprive you of the pleasures of sex!

Just forget about the obsession of having to 'perform' - the final result is less important than the stimulation itself.

CONfused Formation

2008-10-07T02:08:00.003+08:00

Once... it was Lotus Formation...

Now... it is Plum Blossom Formation...

Then... will it be Peach Blossom Formation?

MAKE UP YOUR FREAKIN' MIND ALREADY!

Irresistible Crab!

2008-10-05T11:00:00.004+08:00

Because he is so full of crab!

Just kiss the Crab!

International Baby Boom!

2008-10-03T12:22:00.002+08:00

"What an honour. Do we look alike or what?"

"I'm going on an international flight, with my ass exposed!"

Dabble Your Destiny, Screw Your Life

2008-09-21T13:11:00.007+08:00

SPECIAL TASK: Please compare the 2 pictures below...

Front view picture

Back view picture

NOTE:

Let us all celebrate the amazing success...

SPECIAL NOTE:

Now, let's Design Your Destiny, Enrich Your Life.

Will the seminar change your life for the better or otherwise?

Time shall tell the truth.

Deadline: September 2009.

See you all again next year!

Bye-bye birdie!

The Suckers of Chinese Metaphysics

2008-08-31T00:44:00.009+08:00

This is how crab craps about two stupidly funny little stories...

Some so-called Feng Shui monsters said the recent 'activation' of the Beijing Olympics 2008 was not on an auspicious date...

They said that 080808 at 8:00pm wasn't good as there was some kind of an eclipse a few days earlier which caused negative bad energy...

But the strangest thing was NOTHING unfortunate happened and the Beijing Games was somewhat a success with China sweeping 51 Gold Medals...

BUT THE STORY DOESN'T END HERE... ... ...

Some also predicted that Hilary Clinton would be the next US President (please take a good look and listen to her)...

She lost!

Could Mr. Barrack Obama be the next US President?

How about Mr. John McCain? Will he be the next US President? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

Should we not check Obama's and McCain's face, palm, Ba Zi and Zi Wei, and even their Feng Shui? Perhaps we should check them all!

If the so-called Feng Shui monsters get them wrong again. Perhaps it's time to say "BYE-BYE" birdie! Just shoot the sucker birds in the head! Hey! I mean the big head lah... What were you thinking?

For Feng Shui or Spiritual Objective?

2008-08-24T16:00:00.003+08:00

Is this thing for real? A mirror, a paint brush and a scissors. Is it used to ward off Sha Qi or evil spirits? Beats the hell out of Crap! Whatever......

Even (Some) More Stories and Lessons on Feng Shui

2008-08-14T02:08:00.010+08:00

Special note: This is the 4th edition book on 'Feng Shui Lessons and Stories' published by Crappy Publication House for the enjoyment of citizens of the Chinese Metaphysics world...

To Title or Not To Title
(To Admit or Not To Admit – That is the Shit!)

Most of my Feng Shui studies were done in Hong Kong with a number of Masters there. I admire the level of professionalism and integrity among the practitioners in a country where Feng Shui is employed extensively.

Until today, he has no guts and is too chicken shit to admit who his Hong Kong masters are. Talk about professionalism and integrity. It seems like this little boy has got a lot more to learn and a long way to go. We can only see if his money will take him farther. Perhaps it’ll only stop at Macau. Anyway, shouldn’t one be proud of who one learns from? What is there to hide? What is there to be ashamed of? Perhaps his REAL Master and ‘Father’ is not from Hong Kong after all? The only Grandmaster in the world today…

The Myth Behind Lineage
(The Truth In Front of Lineage)

What is the significance of lineage and what bearing does it have on picking a qualified Feng Shui practitioner?

It is as if he’s asking his own father how important his father is to him and if his father is qualified to be his father after he was born and after he could walk and talk. In other words, rude boy is trying to teach his father how to fuck!

In the present environment, where anyone with gray hair can claim to be a lineage holder, it’s important to verify their claims. If gray hair was a testament to grand lineage, then all the residents of the local old folk’s home might very well be lineage holders as well.

Look who yapping… Little boy’s body hair hasn’t finished growing yet and he’s talking about other’s gray hair. It takes awhile for one’s gray hair to appear and some say gray hair shows wisdom. We’re not sure if all the gray hair people in the old folk’s home are any wiser, but we really hope they are. Some people gain their experience and fame through having gray hair and some young boy gain his experience and fake fame through paying a large amount of money. We’re pretty sure his own father has some gray hair too… Is his father the holder of some kind of grand lineage too? Oh! What gray matter!

Another Marketing Tool?
(Other’s Marketing Stool?)

The layperson may not always be aware of this, so don’t always take it at face value when a Feng Shui practitioner claims to be of a certain lineage – ask him or her, politely and respectfully, about the roots of his or her lineage. Who are their teachers? Who taught their teachers? Do they have the exact lineage tree?

Perhaps we would like him to answer his own questions honestly and truthfully. Let’s just ask him politely and a little less respectfully, “Who are his real teachers? Who taught his ‘made-up’ teachers? And if he can’t answer the first two questions, never mind the exact lineage tree. Let’s not waste our precious essence.

Clan Mentality – A Barrier to Knowledge
(Open Mentality – Everything Pours Out)

This resulted in both schools missing the obvious point – why not apply the theories from each other’s school and achieve even more exceptional results? Devotion to lineage and fixation with the supremacy of their own theories lead to a lack of development in looking for methods to combine the theories effectively.

Exceptional results? If he’s the proof of them, then he won’t be writing such rubbish for sale, would he? We know his results aren’t any close to good, never mind exceptional. Most of the time, he likes to confuse himself between true respect and loyalty with devotion and fixation. The truth of the matter is… he’s got really very very very few true friends or anyone who really respects him and that explains the insecurity and untrustworthiness among his own clan. Trying to combine the theories effectively? Well, if that could be done, then why did the world wait so long for this idiot to do it? If it could be done, someone else would have done it earlier. It’s as if he’s trying to mix oil and water together when the truth is oil and water can’t mix. Well, that goes to show how desperate this person is trying to prove his worthiness in an already unworthy world he’s created for himself.

So we come back to the question: does this lineage stuff matter? Does the pedigree of your Feng Shui Master matter? After all, Deng Xiao Peng once said, “It doesn’t matter if the cat is black or white, as long as it catches mice.”

So we come almost full circle, if lineage doesn’t matter, then why do royal families and any other families for that matter have family trees and respect their ancestors and lineage? An orphan like him who can’t admit his own lineage would only bad-mouth others with lineage. How pathetic! I pity this orphan child who grew old only to forsake his own blood-line.

If anyone were to engage a master for Yin Feng Shui, do make sure that the Master is a ‘black cat’; the blackness is due to real experience out in the tropical sun. If you engage a ‘white cat’ master, he may die of dehydration and sunburn. Whereas for Yang Feng Shui, we’re pretty sure the ‘black cat’ Master has more experience as the ‘white cat’ master is still recovering from his dehydration and sunburn. He needs to wait for his hair to grow back and perhaps wait longer for his hair to turn gray.

A professional practitioner is one who can integrate different systems, different schools and different practices into his work without conflict.

A good practitioner is one who can integrate different systems, different schools and different practices into his work without conflict.

You can see from the above two lines that the only word that is different is “professional” and “good.” We wonder why the repetition with only a change of a word. Is he trying to fill up the empty space of the book? What about all the ‘cartoonish’ pictures? Is it to make the book look thicker and feel heavier? Seriously now, get this one… if he expects no conflict for combining some things which are already different in the first place, isn’t he trying to indicate how stupid he is? If all those things - systems, schools and practices are the same, then why were they given different names in the beginning? Simply because they are all different! So now he’s trying to combine not only oil with water, but mixing them with sand some more. Let’s just wish him good luck in his endeavours as time will tell if he will succeed or otherwise.

Bore, Bored, Boring

Bright Hall – Almost every of his books mention Bright Hall. Is there nothing else he could write about? Is Bright Hall more important in Yang House or Yin House? Do we still call Bright Hall bright hall during the night when it’s dark?

Roads – He says that in modern days, roads are like rivers. If that is so, then the cars travelling on the roads must be like the fish swimming in the rivers. Hey! Have you driven a fish before? What smell? Audi? Great choice? If a curving road can cut a house like a knife – named Sha Qi – he really doesn’t know about the 81 Combinations of 4-6 and 6-4. Someone please inform the government to build only straight roads to avoid Sha Qi. Thank you!

Kitchen – According to him, the kitchen which can cause sickness must be located at the bad sector of a house. Try locating your kitchen in the 5-9 and 9-5 sectors and see what happens? Wait a minute! Are we missing the point here? Kitchen or ...? A house cannot have an island stove? You got to be kidding! Most houses in the West have island stove. Are they all sick then? Let’s migrate to the West and become doctors.

Acknowledgement: Crappy Publication House really hope that you've enjoyed the yappidi yappidi yappidi yapyapyap above... Just remember that the 'Crappy System' and the 'Yappy System' don't integrate very well. "Thou shall not mix!"

It's all in the bullshits

2008-08-09T21:05:00.008+08:00

Note: A piece of shitty kindergarten article came out in the Malaysian national newspaper yesterday. Below is an excerpt from the crap article by a local 'doesn't know it any better' so-called Feng Shui monster...

August 8 and China

Is today a good date for China?

Before selecting a date, it is pertinent to look at the days before the day and not at the day itself.

"The art of date selection is not just about choosing the right day. I wonder if they know that on Aug 1, there was a total eclipse of the sun, and the eclipse path went through from Russia into China," mused yappy.

"Everytime an eclipse happens, it has a negative short term effect on the countries/ areas that the eclipse crosses. So, even though it's a good day today, the powers are greatly diminished by the eclipse that had taken place on Aug 1."

Source from a Chinese Classic (English translated)

The king who waited for a sign

At the lunar eclipse in 1065 BCE, Ji Fa (Zhou Wenwang, better known in the West as King Wen) wrote to his sons from his prison cell. He was expecting a signal from the heavens that Zhou would rule instead of Shang. It was the same signal his father (Ji Li) had been expecting. The eclipse gave King Wen hope that it would occur in his lifetime.

Zhou astronomers knew that there would be another conjunction of the five major planets. To the Chinese, these conjunctions indicated a shift in the fortunes of those on Earth. One of these conjunctions started the Chinese calendar. Another signaled the ascendance of the Xia at the time of Yu. A later conjunction heralded the end of Xia and the start of Shang. That was nearly a thousand years before Wen's time. The impending conjunction was going to elevate the Zhou.

Is it just a coincidence that King Wen was imprisoned in 1068 BCE, the same year that a new Shang calendar was established? Perhaps Wenwang pointed out some flaws in the calendar, or the newfangled rituals that accompanied it; and that's what prompted the king to throw him in prison.

Challenging the accuracy of a calendar was a form of treason in those days. It's a wonder Wenwang wasn't beheaded. After all, he and his father expected a change in the Mandate.

There must have been flaws, because the new calendar apparently failed to account for the lunar eclipse. It was the eclipse that prompted the happy letter from Wenwang to his sons.

Without an accurate calendar, King Di Xin would lose the confidence of the people. According to the Shujing and other sources, the king and his ministers seemed oblivious that Shangdi had turned against him.

The correct orientation of any consecrated space, the scheduling of religious ceremonies, and the proper conduct of seasonal occupations all depended on the king. The ability to comprehend the celestial patterns (e.g., seasonal constellations) and to maintain conformity between astral and terrestrial realms became a fundamental qualification for kingship.

This crisis echoed the changing of the Mandate from the Xia to the Shang in the Shujing: [Xia hereditary astronomers] … have violated the duties of their office, and left their posts. They have been the first to let the regulating of the heavenly (bodies) get into disorder, putting far from them their proper business. On the first day of the last month of autumn, the sun and moon did not meet harmoniously in [xiu] Fang. [The astronomers] heard nothing and knew nothing — so stupidly went they astray (from their duties) in the matter of the heavenly appearances,and rendered themselves liable to the death appointed by the former kings.

What does a Mandate look like?

The Zhou rejoiced in 1062 BCE when King Wen was released from prison. The Mandate appeared on 28 May 1059 BCE. Wenwang named 1058 BCE as the year when Heaven's Mandate was entrusted to the Zhou, and proclaimed himself universal king.

Mozi explained how the Mandate appeared:

A red bird holding a gui by its beak alighted on Mt. Qi proclaiming: "Heaven decrees King Wen of Zhou to punish Yin and possess its empire."

Book 5, Chapter 19

Just a few notes: the url I gave you is not the one with the long article, I must have bookmarked the wrong one. However, this notation 'Book 5, Chapter 19' is probably the Book of History, available online at Sacred Texts.org. I saw your energy ball, it reminds me of a weird encounter with a polaroid in an island cemetery in Belize: a simple cement cross on a grave came out surrounded and ablaze with white light with the background barely visible through a blue glaze. I took another photo of the graves just to see if anything was wrong with the film and all the graves were surrounded with white light, thicker and slightly curved at the sides. Strange!

Personally I believe that with some 4,000 astronomers, diviners, and other soothsayers, King Wen knew that he would die before the mandate passed to Zhou. I believe the sign for death would have been the eclipse (there are 3 solar eclipses around this time, all partial) but I could not say which one. I think the 4 sons and the heir apparent simply turned every celestial sign into the Mandate much like Bush appearing in front of the Victory Banner to announce 'victory' in Iraq. If the Zhou didn't know King Wen was going to die, they would have been really stupid and I don't think that is the case.

The Zhou sons after the battle of Mu fought with each other (including the Duke of Zhou who is credited with writing much of the Zhouyi) for 5 years eventually the young regent assumed the kingship and left the Duke of Zhou who had been his protector and guide and who ultimately betrayed him in a grab for power. I think it could have been a great power move by the other 3 sons, each who had armies to take the Duke of Zhou out of the field of battle and on the sidelines babysitting this young regent. Eventually the capital was moved eastwards while the Duke of Zhou remained in the old western capital. There is debate now as to exactly where this western city was. The red bird thereafter became the symbol of the South. Prior to the Zhou the bird had been the pheasant. I was excited to see the feather of pheasants in graves of the apparently Caucasian mummies of the Taklamakan desert. For me the pheasant would be the symbol of the South.

Crap Commentaries:

Feng Shui originated from China. Have some respect lah! Do not forget your ancestors and your lineage, and where your forefathers came from... if not China, then where?

So when reading a Ba Zi chart, one should check and look at the days before a person was born. That's new and sounds somewhat really truly stupid! Who the hell taught this little boy how to bullshit this way?!

Is it true that the eclipse of the sun brings negative effects where it passes through? I don't think so... If that is so, how about the people observing and witnessing the happening, will they be affected by the negative effects too? Will these people die young?

Thoughts running wild now... How about babies born on the days the eclipse of the sun and moon happen, will the Ba Zi charts of these babies be affected by the negative energies? If so, parents to be - legally or illegally - choose a good date before 'making' your baby. It is pertinent that you know this 'new' information on date selection.

Please... please... please read and reread the above translation on "Wenwang and the Zhou Dynasty." Perhaps you may be enlightened on the eclipses. Some brainless amatuer self-proclaimed Feng Shui monsters like to criticize and insult others to make themselves look great. As if by blowing out other's candle makes his brighter... If so, then this dumb-ass nincompoop will have a tough time doing blow jobs!

Summer Chilling Out...

2008-08-05T16:25:00.001+08:00

Master of craps chilling out on top of the world...

Dating fat boy... (for slim gals only)

To be or not to be gay; that is the answer...

Golden banana for auction... (for monk-ies only)

Can you spot the difference? Answered already...

EVEN More Bullshits!

2008-07-30T13:11:00.002+08:00

The story is 'Around the World in 80 Days', but some idiots took a few months just to go around it. What bullshit!

The Ba Gua pool could really be just a design. When there's nothing much interesting to write, bull-boring is what happens. Get real nincompoop!

As the signage says... Crap couldn't say it better.

BaZi or “Pak Chee” (Crazy)?

2008-07-16T14:54:00.006+08:00

Note: This piece of crap email was sent out last week by the so called "best-in-lying" academy in the world. This is a great sample in erroneous marketing and misleading the public. "Will you be convinced or confused?"

How do you know from a BaZi if the person vicious, evil and treacherous?
How do you know if a lady has many affairs?
Which type of BaZi belongs to a person who changes his/her heart easily on relationship matters?
How do you know if the person receives inheritance?
How do you see BIG ego in a BaZi?
How do you know if the person has good luck? Or bad luck?

All this and much more advance analysis methods you will find ONLY in BaZi Module 4.

Crap Commenting: Ting! Ting! Ting! All these you will ONLY find in BaZi Module 10 lah... 4 is definitely not enough from what the people who have walked through the path commented. "Oh! Those lost and confused souls! "

Other interesting topics include Caesarean Birth Date Selection, Reading BaZi within minutes through thorough understanding of the 60 Jia Zi strength, character, relationships and Na Yin. Discussions on Ancient Classic – Qiong Tong Bao Jian, Day Master in Different seasons, advance 10 Gods Analysis, Advance Useful God, useful and disastrous dates through date selection methods and much much more.

Crap Commenting: Heard from those after taking the module 4 that they couldn't even tell the 'resourceful god'. They couldn't even read the marriage luck of a woman. "The hell with all the bull-pissing!"

"Psst! Psst! Do you know the REAL story of the author behind 'The Book of Ultimate Secrets? Bet cha' don't know!"

So don’t wait if you are still thinking about it. There are just a few more seats left for the BaZi Module 3 and 4 course.

Crap commenting: "If you can, do wait. Wait till they have fooled all the Westerners and see where else can they run to? Asians are beginning to open their small eyes. When will the Caucasians open their BIG round colourful eyes? Oh! Kuan Yin, have mercy on the lost and confused souls..."

"Hey! Look! Perhaps the truth is NOT (just a few more seats left) BUT (just a few seats filled)."

"And God please have mercy on the English Language of this servant of the 'wanna be BaZi god(dess)' and those few who are filling in the seats! Awoemen!"

Sex Poems

2008-07-14T22:44:00.007+08:00

Roses are red,

Lemons are sour,

Open your legs,

Give me an hour.

Sex is like maths,

You subtract the clothes,

Add the bed,

Divide the legs,

And pray to God,

You don’t multiply.

Roses are nice,

Violets are fine,

I’ll be the 6,

If you’ll be the 9.

Sex is good,

Sex is fine,

Doggy style and 69,

Just for fun,

Or getting paid,

Everyone likes getting laid!

Sex is evil,

Sex is a sin,

Sins are forgiven,

So stick it in!

Roses are red,

Olive is green,

Open your legs,

I’ll fill you with cream.

Kissing Is A Habit,

Fucking Is A Game,

Guys Get All The Pleasure,

Girls Get All The Pain,

10 Minutes Of Pleasure,

9 Months Of Pain,

3 Days In The Hospital,

A Baby Without A Name,

The Father Is A Bastard,

The Mother Is A Whore,

This Would Never Have Happened,
If The Rubber Hadn’t Tore!

What's it for...?

2008-07-08T18:16:00.003+08:00

Note: Is there such a thing called 'Water Castle Gate' in Feng Shui study? If yes, what is it used for? The answer...

Jackass Fruits!

2008-07-02T17:33:00.002+08:00

Do you know how jackass fruits look like? Like the shape of an arse...

During an economic uncertainty...

2008-06-26T15:25:00.006+08:00

The challenge: Spot the similarity between these two scenarios... Need a clue? Check out the man with the fan!

Have you ever seen a dickhead before?

2008-06-22T21:01:00.005+08:00

Scroll down to take a glimpse...

It's a DICKHEAD FISH lah...

Are you ready to finally die financially?

2008-06-14T16:24:00.005+08:00

Note: Out came another piece of crap via mass emailing from the so-called 'best' Feng Shui academy in the world. I wonder if it's still the best today? Those emails may reflect otherwise I guess.

More Crap Commentaries:

1. To be financially free, all you need to know is your Day Master and the 4 Elements.

2. In Feng Shui, I know there are 5 Elements. Where the heck did they get the 4 Elements from?

3. Am I getting out-dated or are they getting more and more desperate?

4. Since when did the 'Wind' get a place in the Elements. Could it be the wind from farts?

5. If your Day Master is Metal, you will be financially free faster! Metal means money mah!

6. Wait a minute! But they don't have a Metal element in their syllabus woh! So how?

7. In modern days such as these, you only need a speaker who is also a ballet teacher to teach you about financial freedom. QUESTION PLEASE... Is he financally free himself or just desperately broke?

8. The other speaker I had never ever heard of till now. From where? Lion Island? Seems like the Island is doing much better than Malaysia financially, then why come here? Another desperado case? You bet'cha!

9. In this miracle workshop, you don't need a Certified Financial Planner (CFP), don't need a Chartered Financial Analyst (CFA), don't need a Unit Trust or Fund Manager. All you need is your Day Master and the 4 Elements (sounds a little redundant?)

10. Hell of a workshop! Feng Shui was known as Kan Yu before. The 'Kan' in Hokkien dialect could stand for FUCK in English Language; only in this very special case.

11. So all CFPs, CPAs and Fund Managers, please resign and make way for the 'fake it till you make it' Feng Shui 'monsters' as advertised.

12. Are you ready to make a difference to yourself, or to their phony creation? Perhaps the difference has been made after all. As the signs and patterns are showing a promising financial fuckdoom!

Why is it called Ba Zi and not Liu Zi?

2008-06-06T16:28:00.009+08:00

Note: In the modern era, there are some so called 'masters' out there who claim to be able to read a person's Ba Zi with only three pillars. If so, why didn't the Chinese call it Liu Zi (6 Characters) instead.

If you come across any 'monsters' using Liu Zi to read your life destiny, make very sure you ask for a 25% discount! And if you intend to learn Liu Zi from the same 'monsters', you'll get 25% off pronto!

Dare you sit on a Liu Zi (3 Pillars) chair? Sit your butt down!
Dare you get your destiny read with Liu Zi? Get your life drowned!

Are You Heading for Financial DOOM?!

2008-05-29T23:28:00.008+08:00

Note: This piece of non-sense promotion was sent out via mass emails recently by the so-called 'best' Feng Shui academy in the world. Do take a read and try your very best not to fall into the trap, but you can fall on the ground laughing your lungs out.

Crap Commentaries:

1. Are they trying to create hope in a bad economy?

2. Is this not like robbing food from the beggar's bowl?

3. If financial freedom is so easy to get, then why are they still working their butts off?!

4. Can Feng Shui really bring you the financial freedom you want?

5. If you have good abundance Qi in your home, does it mean you just need to sit at home and wait for the money to drop into your lap?

6. If good Qi is so easy to tap, then why not just buy a hammer and start knocking at the Sheng Qi corner?

7. Don't you know that there is a millionaire code in Feng Shui? Where the hell have you been?

8. If they are financially free already, then why all the early bird, late bird and whatever small and big bird rates? Chirp... chirp... chirp...

9. How long does it take to be financially free using Feng Shui techniques?

10. Perhaps you need to be a little poorer first before you can be financially free. WHY? Because you need to pay the Feng Shui talker first before he sells you the open 'secret'? BUT the secret may not even work! So you might still be poor in the end.

11. I think you will be the last one to get rich as the Feng Shui talker will be financially free first before you, NO? Think about it my friend!

12. Perhaps the Feng Shui talker should pay you instead for attending the BS seminar? WHY? So that your pretty face would appear on the camera. Say shit... ! Oops! I mean cheese!

You are what you eat...

2008-05-22T12:44:00.001+08:00

I AM WHAT I EAT,

I WAS WHAT I SHIT!

Chicken on the roof!

2008-05-16T18:39:00.002+08:00

If your Feng Shui master forgets to bring his Luo Pan during the Feng Shui audit, point to your roof and show him your chicken compass. But the condition is, you must have a chicken compass on your roof first before engaging a Feng Shui master!

The funny flow of Qi

2008-05-15T13:11:00.002+08:00

Note: If Qi really flows from higher to lower ground, then I guess the light blue coloured house with orange roof at the end of this sloping road must be collecting all the Qi that it could collect and prospering like nobody's business. Could it be the richest man's house in the Republic of Singapore? "Hmmm... one more plate of worm please!"

Man's wonder or bird's wonder?

2008-05-13T14:15:00.002+08:00

2008 Beijing Olympics Stadium

A rotan stool for sitting

Daddy likes worms...

2008-05-13T14:05:00.004+08:00

Junior: Daddy, are worms good to eat?

Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during meals!

Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the question?

Junior: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce, but now it's gone.

Crappy's galfren! A yin crap from Thailand...

2008-05-13T13:58:00.004+08:00

Introducing... Poo, a Thai TV celebrity (Poo means "crap" in Thai language)

"I'm missing you Poo... MWAH!"

Even idiots can learn... finally!

2008-04-27T17:45:00.011+08:00

Note: Many Feng Shui schools teach many different things. The most confused and most argued about topic is on 'how' to take the correct measurement using a Luo Pan; be it for Yang or Yin House. Seems like one school in particular has admitted, accepted and learned something NEW! Below are the unprecedented proofs...

In the past, taking the Luo Pan measurement 3 feet away

In the past, taking the Luo Pan measurement in the middle of nowhere

Boot-licker with precision compass in the middle of idiot-land

In this position, there was definitely no magnetic influence

And finally, the 'Just Young Mammal Amateur' took a 'private' lesson from my Master!

Presently, their students take the Luo Pan measurement against the headstone...

... with a BIG grin on the face!

"What happened to the magnetic influence eh?"

The versatility of the word 'FUCK'

2008-04-23T20:48:00.018+08:00

Perhaps one of the most versatile and colourful words in the English Language today is the word 'fuck'. It is one magical word which just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love.

'Fuck' falls into many grammatical categories. It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John). It can be an active verb (John really gives a fuck) or a passive verb (Mary doesn’t really give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John) and a noun (Mary is a fine fuck). It can be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful). As you can see, there are not many words with the versatility of 'FUCK'.

Besides its sexual connotation, this lovely word can be used to describe many situations:

FRAUD - I got fucked by my insurance agent.
DISMAY - Oh, fuck it!
TROUBLE - I guess I’m fucked now!
AGGRESSIVE - Fuck you!
PASSIVE - Fuck me!
CONFUSION - What the fuck!
DIFFICULTY - I can’t understand this fucking business.
DESPAIR - Fucked again.
PHILOSOPHICAL - Who gives a fuck?
INCOMPETENCE - He’s all fucked up!
LAZINESS - He’s a fuck-off!
DISPLEASURE - What the fuck is going on?
REBELLION - Oh, fuck it!

It can be useful in descriptive anatomy – He’s really a fucking asshole!
It can be used to tell time – It’s five fucking thirty.
It can be used in business – How did I get this fucking job?
It can be a prediction – Oh, will I get fucked?
It can be maternal – as in “Motherfucker!”
It can be nautical – Fuck the admiral!
It can be political – Fuck Trudeau!
It can open the door to wonderful relationships – “Let’s fuck!”
It can be used just to enhance the meaning of a word – as in “Beutyfuckingful or Terfuckingific.”

The mind fairly boggles at the many creative uses. How can anyone be offended when you say FUCK! Use it in your daily speech, it adds to your prestige.

Today, tell someone, FUCK YOU!

Toilet Training

2008-04-10T23:11:00.003+08:00

Note: A sign found in a toilet somewhere in China.

If your tool is an extra inch longer,

you need not step up any closer.

Ladies & gentlemen, introducing... ... ...

2008-04-04T10:18:00.002+08:00

... the very infamous Crappy the Crab. When Crappy bites, he won't let go until his victim is dead, and then he will eat it! Slurp! Slurp! Slurp! Hey! Crappy is going on holiday tomorrow lah! And he promises to share any crap stories that he may discover along the way. That's a promise not to be broken. Check it, check it, baby! Auf Wiedersehen!

Feng Shui masters are not Superman!

2008-03-31T23:44:00.004+08:00

Funny how most people think that Feng Shui masters are like Superman and immuned to mishaps that happen daily to 'ordinary' people. The article below is extracted from the Malaysian national newspaper, The Star, proves that Feng Shui masters are just like any of us. They have their misfortunes too! Like you and I, they also go through the good and bad luck cycle!

Perhaps, one of the many differences among Feng Shui masters is (other than coming from different schools) that some have the style but got no substance, and some got no style but have the substance. Most of the time, the first impression does count (branded clothes, watches, fancy mobile phones, cars and etc.) but I think that in this case, the last impression is what counts the most. What think you?

Well, I think that the Feng Shui master who got robbed recently has a combination number of 7-3 somewhere in his house. Perhaps it's his bedroom, or door, or main door. Hey, I'm only guessing! But some idiots out there may say that his Ba Zi indicates that he would get robbed on a certain day, at a certain hour, at a certain place and perhaps of a certain amount. What say you?

Well, I say everyday another fool is born, until... ... ... they learn the REAL Feng Shui!

The "Untold" Story of Eve & Adam

2008-03-26T15:33:00.003+08:00

One day in the Garden of Eden, Eve calls out to God...

"Lord, I have a problem!"

"What's the problem, Eve?"

"Lord, I know you've created me and have provided this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, and that hilarious comedic snake, but I'm just not happy."

"Why is that, Eve?" God replies from above.

"Lord, I am lonely. And I'm sick to death of apples."

"Well, Eve, in that case, I have a solution. I shall create a man for you."

"What's a 'man’ Lord?"

"This man will be a flawed creature, with many bad traits. He'll lie, cheat, and be vainglorious; all in all, he'll give you a hard time. But, he'll be bigger, faster, and will like to hunt and kill things. He will look silly aroused, but since you've being complaining, I'll create him in such a way that he will satisfy your... ah, physical needs. He'll be witless and will revel in childish things like fighting and kicking a ball about. He won't be too smart, so he'll also need your advice to think properly."

"Sounds great," says Eve, with an ironically raised eyebrow. "What's the catch, Lord?"

"Yeah, well...... you can have him on one condition."

"What's that Lord?"

"As I said, he'll be proud, arrogant, and self-admiring, so you'll have to let him believe that I made him first. So, just remember... it's our secret! Woman to woman!"

Feng Shui or Chop Shui?

2008-03-23T09:18:00.007+08:00

In the olden days, do you know what would happen if a Feng Shui master made a wrong prediction? Half-right and half-left kind of predictions are still wrong predictions! A picture speaks louder than a million words... (scroll down to find out, excercise that finger now...)

But today, even when so-called Feng Shui practitioners and masters make such idiotic predictions and stupid mistakes, they just...

... cover the face with a recycled paper bag which was used to contain rotten apples!

NO EYE SEE ergh!

How Boring Can It Get? (yawn... zzz... zzz...)

2008-03-18T15:24:00.004+08:00

Of late, there have been predictions on sex scandals happening during the Rat Year by one so called Feng Shui practitioner with the abbreviation of JYMA (Just Young Mammal Amateur). For all we know, sex scandals have been going on since ancient time and nothing is really new or shocking about two people having sex. Let's face it, we're all humans and we have natural needs.

Due to today's advancement on technology like the internet and Google blogs, news travels at the speed of fibre optic cables and by the next minute, all your nude pictures will become the 'feast' of millions pair of hungry eyes around the world. So the cliche of having safe sex by wearing a condom is no longer valid. Nowadays, to have safe sex, you MUST wear a mask as you never know who may be capturing the moments you're pumping juice!

Let us grow up and be more mature and accept the fact that we are all here because a couple of people had sex; well, unless you were a clon baby! In ancient time, Julius Caesar and Cleopatra had their hottie moments and it was a sex scandal too! So come on already and predict something new and more important like when an empire of frauds will collapse? Is it going to be in the Rat Year or the Raccoon Year?

Cleopatra and Julius pumping it out in the palace of Rome, and caught by JYMA, the kiddy predictor!

Run Caesar run!

Get it done in March, advise feng shui experts

2008-03-14T01:47:00.001+08:00

This piece of article was published in the New Straits Times, a Malaysian newspaper, dated 27 January 2008, two and a half weeks before the election day of 8 March 2008 was announced on 14 February 2008.

Let's bet! You bet! I bet! They bet! We all bet! Ka-ching! Ka-ching! Ka-ching!

2008-03-14T01:37:00.004+08:00

Malaysia: Politicians, Punters Wager On Winning Numbers For Malaysia's Elections
News Headline Elections 2008 2008-02-15 13:39

KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA: Malaysia's next general election on 8 Mar has inspired a frenzy of illegal betting and raised superstitious hopes among politicians that the number eight _ considered auspicious by many Asians _ will help them hit the vote jackpot.

The pro-government New Straits Times newspaper devoted an entire page Friday (15 Feb) to the significance of 8 Mar, listing important historical events that have occurred on that day since 1838, as well as references to the number eight in literature, sports and science.

Some Malaysians _ mainly the ethnic Chinese in northern Penang state _ took more than an academic interest: They earlier had placed bets on 8 Mar as the polling date, which proved the right call when the Election Commission announced the date Thursday (14 Feb).

"There's heavy betting because many Chinese enjoy gambling," Rev Yong, a prominent feng shui consultant, told The Associated Press. "The Chinese in Penang will bet on anything for these elections _ on numbers, dates, winning candidates."

An illegal bookie in Penang _ a predominantly Chinese area where betting is more prevalent than in other states _ had to pay out more than 10,000 ringgit (US$3,100) to customers who called the election date correctly, The Star reported.

Some customers of four-digit lottery tickets were banking on the number 6308, which they regarded as the numerical equivalent of Saturday, 8 Mar, The Star added.

Eight is considered a lucky number in many Asian cultures, especially among the Chinese, because it sounds like the word "prosper." In Hinduism, the goddess of wealth Lakshmi has eight forms.

About a third of Malaysia's 27 million people are ethnic Chinese and Indians. The rest are mostly Muslim Malays, but even they sometimes heed the superstitions of other communities.

Selangor state Chief Minister Mohamad Khir Toyo, a Muslim, said he was sure that 8 Mar would prove "auspicious" for him and his state.

"Selangor's territory is about 8,000 square kilometers. We have about eight million residents. The year is 2008 and I was appointed chief minister in August, the eighth month," he told reporters.

Yong, the feng shui consultant, said the numerical significance of 8 Mar is "a good omen."

"We can predict quite confidently that the government will garner more than a two-thirds majority" in Parliament, he said.

The numbers game was being played even before the polling day announcement.

It was widely speculated that Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi would dissolve Parliament on 13 Feb because 13 is his favorite number. The rumor proved true _ and the official campaigning period will be 13 days. (AP)

MySinchew 2008.02.15

Source: http://www.mysinchew.com/node/7034?tid=14

It's a good day for polls

2008-03-14T01:27:00.003+08:00

This piece of article was published in the New Straits Times, a Malaysian newspaper, dated 15 February 2008; three weeks before the actual election day of 8 March 2008.

The 12th Malaysian General Election Results

2008-03-14T01:13:00.006+08:00

The 12th Malaysian General Election was executed on 8 March 2008 and these were the results that came out the following day.

BN = Barisan Nasional
OPP = Opposition Party
OTH = Others
FT = Federal Territory

As we can see crystal clearly, the OP Party has won 5 of the 13 states in Malaysia, which is almost half of the country. The somewhat 2/3 winning prediction by BN is a huge guffaw!

I hope you've truly enjoyed the many predictions, bullshits and cookie-cutter craps that some of the so-called Feng Shui masters had said about the "auspiciousness" of the 'date selection' for the very recent Malaysian general election.

It's one thing trying to prove oneself publicly and it's another thing shooting oneself in the foot when the predictions get screwed up! OUCH! Have mercy on the innocent public! Please keep the craps to your own self and butter honey bake them! The craps will taste much better that way! POWER TO THE PEOPLE! AMEN!

Crap Feng Shui Blog is Crapping Really Well!

2008-03-09T00:01:00.003+08:00

Special Announcement: It was a great surprise to discover that this Blog was ranked at number 2 and 3 on the "Top Feng Shui Blog Entries" Site (click on picture below to enlarge and see the proof).

The article on "Faking the History: A Virtual Fraud in the world of Feng Shui" (ranked no. 3) basically reveals the truth on how a 'frauder' had registered his paid blog of http://www.xengxhuilogy.com/ on 21 December 2007 and then back-dated his articles to July 2005. Sometimes we wonder what the fucxking heck he's trying to prove! (scroll all the way down and click on the pictures below to enlarge and see the proofs).

Feng Shui is BULLSHIT!

2008-03-05T22:59:00.009+08:00

Ladies and gentlemen of the world...

The infamous "Penn & Teller: Bullshit Show!" Put your feet high and relax... Click play to watch the video... Enjoy... MWAH!

Feng Shui is Bullshit! – It’s not scientific!

2008-03-05T22:53:00.000+08:00

Some of the things I have gathered from the “Penn & Teller: Bullshit! Show” on the absurdity of Feng Shui are as follow:

Feng Shui is an ancient Chinese science of improving energy or Qi by rearranging furniture. (They didn’t have that many furniture in the olden days back in China. IKEA was not born yet.)

Most things have clues but Feng Shui doesn’t have a clue or proof. (Right on!)

Feng Shui is energy or Qi playing a cosmic game of musical chairs. (You mean Qi gets so tired from traveling it has to fight for a chair and sit down?)

Qi is like a moving, bouncing, travelling yellow ball. (Are you sure Qi is yellow in colour?)

Qi is life force energy; it’s what the molecules are made out of. (Molecules are made of Qi? That’s new!)

If Feng Shui is really science, then the advice should be all the same. (Right on again!)

Feng Shui is a reliable and predictable way of looking at what energy really is. (Are you sure? What instruments do we use to determine that? Our eyes?)

KEEP THE PATHWAY CLEAR! What good is wealth and success if you die in a fire? (At least you get toasted in style!)

Red colour represents fire. Too much fire can cause problems with the teeth, mouth, jaw and chest area. Red is accident prone. Red is bad! (So are we all on fire since our blood is red?! No wonder we’re all so bad!)

Energy from the front and back of the house requires red colour in the middle of the house. (So now energy knows how to recognize colours! What next?)

If Feng Shui is a real science, how could it be so inconsistent? (You may ask that again!)

Feng Shui is not a religion. (So is it spiritual? Hmmm…)

Feng Shui is common sense. (Yeah! The sense is so common it makes people stupid!)

Feng Shui can create good health, wealth and prosperity for you and your family. (Ok. But how the heck do you do that?)

Most ‘Feng Shui-ed’ people in China are dirt poor! (No comment!)

Some people are making money from this bullshit! (You mean they make money from selling bullshit? Ya!)

Creative scumbags! (You’re right again! Not left!)

Feng Shui is something visual which you can see. (Well, I must be blind!)

Feng Shui is an ancient mathematical calculation that was derived and developed through centuries of imperial observations. (Huh! What’s that again in layman term? Talk to me like a 10-year old please)

It is so stupid. (Who? You or me? We? Ok! Right buddy!)

Faking the History: A Virtual Fraud in the world Feng Shui

2008-03-05T22:33:00.006+08:00

The information indicated in this picture is what you’ll get if you go to http://www.whois.net/ and look up for the old new “fxxxsxxxlogy” so called blog. If the internet line is busy due to many itchy fingers clicking from all over the world, try and try and try again. NEVER give up!

If your first few attempts are unsuccessful, then the other alternative is to check it out at http://www.register.com/ Type in the same old word “fxxxsxxxlogy” and hit the search button. You may need to scroll down and click on the icon and verify the code. Do not worry! It’s all user-friendly and menu guided. The procedure is still the same, refresh and refresh and refresh again if the internet line is busy. NEVER EVER give up!

NOTE: Someone predicted this, “I have repeatedly highlighted that in the year of Wu Zi (戊子) (Earth Rat) we can expect fraud, embezzlement and sex scandals.”

He’s done his fraud homework in advance, and then predicted it to make it come true. Right on man! He predicted his own fraud work! Very well done! Hey! I’m not talking about steak lah!

Feng Shui Scuba Diving

2008-02-27T18:44:00.014+08:00

There’s going to be the last fairy-land Feng Shui tour to the Middle Kingdom led by Young Shaman sometime in mid April this year. Stranger than pulp-fiction that this phrase was ‘advertised’ to attract sheep to go on the phony ride…

See WHERE Yang Yun Song is buried?
No one really knows for sure, exactly where Yang is buried. I've managed to find the area in which he is 'believed' to be buried.

And so it seems like a wild guessing game! “Guess who’s right and who’s left? Who’s white and who’s black? Who’s smart and who’s stupid?”

For all we know, the late Master Yang Yun Song’s grave is submerged in water. The concern is… Have you gotten your goggles and oxygen tank? How about your scuba diving license? Sorry folks, Feng Shui scuba diving is not available in Malaysia at the moment but it is available somewhere else (I forgot the exact location lah!).

Breathe through your mouth to register! (Wow! Golly! What have you been eating man?!)

PS: He said this is going to be his last extortion to Middle Kingdom woh... Let's see if next year he comes back with a 'back by popular demand' ass-cuse! "Brrrr....! I'm drowning! Did you give me a fake scuba diving license?! You scumbag!"

This is My Land! Stop screwing around!

2008-02-26T00:30:00.007+08:00

If your property is surrounded by these landforms and you're sleeping in a 1-4 room, then you better use 'Durex' best-selling product. The company will thank and appreciate you as a very regular customer.

But if there's a defect in the Durex product, then this is what you will get, if you have some good 'swimmers'... (DO NOT scroll down)

A bunch of kids!

"What the heck were you thinking!?"

"Oi! Respect a bit lah!"

A to Z of the ‘Kiasu’ Philosophy

2008-02-24T00:03:00.014+08:00

A? Always must win
B? Borrow but never return
C? Cheap is good
D? Don't trust anyone
E? Everything also must grab!
F? Free! Free! Free!
G? Grab first, talk later!
H? Help yourself to everything
I? I first, I want, I everything
J? Jump queue
K? Keep coming back for more
L? Look for discounts
M? Must not lose face
N? Never mind what they think
O? Outdo everyone you know!
P? Pay only when necessary
Q? Quit while you're ahead
R? Rush and push to win the race
S? Samples are always welcome
T? Take but don't give
U? Unless it's free, forget it
V? Vow to be number one
W? Winner takes it all! All! All!
X? X'tra = More!
Y? Yell if necessary to get what you want
Z? Zebras are kiasu as they want to be black & white at the same time

BONUS 5 ‘K’ School of Thought:~

Kiasu (scared of losing)
Kiasee (scared of death)
Kiabor (scared of wife)
Kiaboh (scared of having nothing)
Kiachenghu (scared of government)

*Kiasu means ‘scared loss’ in Chinese Hokkien’

Top 10 Crap Feng Shui Tips for a Better Living

2008-02-21T16:48:00.011+08:00

Tip Number 1: KEEP YOUR WINDOWS CLEAN – Windows represent opportunities, make sure they are clean so that you can see your opportunities coming.

Tip Number 2: REPLACE YOUR LIGHT BULBS – Different space represents different energies, you want to make sure your wealth, relationship and health energies are bright.

Tip Number 3: TIGHTEN DOOR KNOBS – To get better at handling things, squeeze all your door knobs real tight.

Tip Number 4: GET RID OF DEAD PLANTS – Plants represent health and vitality, dead plants symbolize death!

Tip Number 5: KEEP TOILET LID DOWN - To avoid negative draining energy, always keep your toilet lid closed.

Tip Number 6: CLEAN UNDERNEATH YOUR BED – Clear out all the rubbish that’s blocking the energy underneath your bed to have better sleep.

Tip Number 7: KEEP YOUR MIRRORS CLEAN – Clean your mirrors frequently so that you can see yourself clearly and love yourself more, mooaah!

Tip Number 8: HAVE A CLEARLY MARKED ENTRY – Energy or Qi can read signs, you want it to climb into your property without getting lost.

Tip Number 9: FIX ALL LEAKS AND DRIPS – Water represents your money, you don’t want your money to leak, do you?

Tip Number 10: VISIT MY BLOG ALWAYS at http://crapfengshui.blogspot.com/ to become a Feng Shui expert in a crappy way. Crap! Crap! Crap!

* Bienvenidos means 'Welcome' in Spanish*

The All NEW Bedtime Story

2008-02-17T17:45:00.008+08:00

A story of Grand Shaman and Young Shaman

Once upon a time, in a Magical Land not very far away, there was a very well known and famous shaman. This shaman which we shall call Grand Shaman, was a very difficult man to meet up with, not because he was too proud to meet with strangers but because he had many interests and many demands on his time from people who needed his skills.

We now introduce the second character of our story; the Young Shaman. At the beginning, Young Shaman was not even a shaman but a shaman ‘wannabe’. He had learned some shamanistic knowledge through a correspondence course from another shaman in the Maple Leaf Land. Young Shaman might have attended some classes on shamanism in person by another shaman in the Maple Leaf Land but I am not sure. Anyway, Young Shaman was interested in obtaining more knowledge. In his quest of knowledge, he heard of the Grand Shaman and after the use of much networking, managed to meet up with Grand Shaman.

Young Shaman wanted to learn from Grand Shaman and as an offering, suggested that he organize a shamanistic study class in Down Under Land and he could participate as well (for free). This was accepted by Grand Shaman and it was successful.

Grand Shaman in his generosity offered to partner with Young Shaman, a wet behind the years, 22 year-old at the time, in setting up the Center of Shamanistic Study. The offer was very generous, equal partnership in the new shaman practice. Of course Young Shaman had to work for his half of the practice. This was the first big mistake that Grand Shaman made; he belonged to the old school and believed that word of mouth was good enough.

Young Shaman was very industrious, from the outline given by Grand Shaman; Young Shaman came out with a shamanistic study course syllabus. Grand Shaman proceeded to flesh out the course syllabus with the technical details and Young Shaman wrote them down properly. Now bear in mind that this happened within one year of the first meeting between Grand Shaman and Young Shaman.

Of course nowadays, Young Shaman claims that he wrote the shamanistic study courses all by himself. Young Shaman claims that Grand Shaman did not teach him anything and he has no reason to call Grand Shaman master as he did not go through the ritualistic fasting, sacrifice of a wild buffalo and blood oath to be accepted as an apprentice. On the other hand, he says that his knowledge was taught to him by other shaman masters from Place of Smelly Waters. One wonders, did he perform the ritual to be accepted as an apprentice or did he just pay with many pretty pieces of yellow metal? If the latter, it would seem that buying an apprenticeship is worth more than being treated as an equal by a revered shaman. Strange world this is… luckily it is just fiction, otherwise it would not make sense, right?

Anyway, on with the story… Did I mention that Young Shaman was a very cunning chap? Because Grand Shaman was famous, Young Shaman thought that Grand Shaman’s name should be protected from other people who might seek to use Grand Shaman’s name to sell snake oil. So Young Shaman asked Grand Shaman to sign a writing skin giving permission for Young Shaman to register the use of Grand Shaman’s name with the Grand Council of Name Usage (that was in the old days, in these modern times we would call this the patent and trademark office). Grand Shaman, trusting Young Shaman, signed it assuming that the use of Grand Shaman’s name would be registered to the new partnership. This was not to be. Young Shaman recorded the name in such a way that it was in the control of himself and not the Center of Shamanistic Study.

Young Shaman also wanted to teach his own things on certain aspects of Shaman Magic. Grand Shaman gave his blessings even though there was potential conflict in what Young Shaman was doing and the Center of Shamanistic Study.

Then one day, it was pointed out to Grand Shaman that he should make sure that he really owned half of the new business. Grand Shaman had nothing official to show for the business. True, he got a big pile of animal hides every few months and a big horse drawn cart, but everything was controlled by Young Shaman. Even all the bonded labourers in the practice were selected and taken in by Young Shaman himself (some of the labourers are still collecting animal hides for Young Shaman today, knowing and denying what had happened a few years ago).

When Grand Shaman requested for the scroll containing the records of the Center of Shamanistic Study, Young Shaman told Grand Shaman that he could not take a copy. He could only view it in the cave that housed the Center of Shamanistic Study. When Grand Shaman wanted a record of the ownership of the Center of Shamanistic Study he had to apply to the King’s Record Center; Young Shaman would not provide such information.

In the end, Grand Shaman decided to sit down with Young Shaman and see about resolving those issues so that the Center of Shamanistic Study could still continue on. Young Shaman was not ready to share the information of the Center of Shamanistic Study with Grand Shaman. Young Shaman instead was very angry and said that since he did all the hard work, everything should be his and out of the goodness of his heart, he offered Grand Shaman the chance to kill the partnership and sell off all the belongings so that the animal skins can be distributed. Of course all the scrolls that Young Shaman claimed that he had written were to remain his, and only his.

Until such time that Grand Shaman agreed to end of the partnership and the partnership actually ended, Young Shaman told Grand Shaman that Grand Shaman could not use his own Name to teach as it is in the control of Young Shaman. This was a threat so that Grand Shaman would quickly end the whole partnership and agree to what must be some unfair points. Otherwise, pressure would not have been put on like this.

All this while, Young Shaman continued teaching his own Shaman Magic classes. Did I mention that in the last year before the partnership ended, Young Shaman had News Sprites to shout about his classes more and more? In the meantime, the News Sprites paid to shout about the Center of Shamanistic Study was getting less and less work to do. Grand Shaman decided to agree to kill the partnership. However, there was no way that Grand Shaman can agree to all the conditions set by Young Shaman. Grand Shaman is a fair shaman and he is willing to let Young Shaman go his own way, just as long as the whole process is fair.

"We will stop this story here as it is getting a bit too hot to handle. Keep checking in as I may get new chapters to this work of fiction from reliable sources. I hope you've enjoyed reading the story and please tell it to your children and grandchildren for many years to come."

Written by Coyote
At the beginning of the 21st Century

Even the God is Angry!

2008-02-12T13:05:00.000+08:00

I don't know if any Ba Zi expert can read a person's life or destiny in 10 (freakin') minutes! But that was what happened at the JYMA's BS events recently!

There were counters for such 'road-side' Ba Zi consultations conducted by some 'half-boiled egg' students who got paid a mere $10 per consult and the company kept the other $20. Yes! It was only $30 per person for a freakin' 10 minutes quickie!

Some experts in destiny analysis that I personally know would need a bit of time to analyse a person's chart in order to do a good and accurate job. Some even take hours to read and write out a proper life report even though they may have countless years of experience behind them. These experts are aware that it's people's life they are dealing with.

"What can a student who has not even mastered the skill in Ba Zi do in 10 'sorry' minutes to an innocent person who may just believe everything he/ she says?"

I feel so sorry for those gullible people who had a quickie for a dirt cheap price and I hope not much damage was done to any of them. It kind of reminds me of the guinea pigs scientists use for their experiments, and some even get killed in the process. "Can innocent people's life be toyed with like that?!" Hmmm...

Well, I'm not angry but the God is... WHY? Cause they are giving Ba Zi and Chinese Metaphysics a very bad name. What a shame!

GONG XI FA CAI 2008!

2008-02-05T18:26:00.000+08:00

GONG XI FA CAI to all my readers! May this New Year be less 'crappy' for you! Enjoy your holiday and cheers!

Anticipation comes true!

2008-02-02T17:59:00.000+08:00

Well, as the whole world has been anticipating, the website report states more than 3,000 pax attended the BS Talk. Some were even standing near the stage to take a glimpse of the puffy face celebrity. Too bad, there wasn't any picture taken in the toilet for the live feed! What a bunch of crap!

Sad as it is, the 'exaggerated' number has drop 400 pax from last year's 'piece of shit' report of 3,400 pax. That's from "Bad to Worse" woh...

Here's a good tip for those who would like to have some 'fun' again next year... DO NOT purchase any tickets again as there are usually FREE tickets thrown at the very last minute to fill up the hall so that it will look good for the camera. I heard there are 950 tickets or more to be given away for every event. Perhaps 2 tickets will fall in your lap 7 days before the event. We never know, do we?

Psst! Psst! The famous Mr. Stephen Skinner was at the event, but unfortunately no one recognised him. How in the weirdest world did he get my business card? "Mr. Skinner, if you're reading this. Yes! I got your email. Will reply you shortly."

Regular Masturbation Prevents Cancer

2008-02-01T20:21:00.000+08:00

Research suggests semen may have a carcinogenic effect on the cells lining the prostatic ducts if not flushed regularly out of the pipes by ejaculations.

As an innocently naughty teenager just a few short years ago, I was curious about masturbation but simply had no courage or opportunity to ask someone. I wasn't interested in those no-brainer questions that other teenagers asked: whether vigorous rubbing of the penis would dislodge it from the body or make your pubic hair fall off. I knew already, as a well-read teen, that sperm is produced daily, that ejaculating it either via sex or masturbation is natural, pleasurable and desirable. And if I didn't masturbate and spurt it out, the body would have to discharge the accumulated 'gooey stuff' at night while I was experiencing a wet dream. No amount of listening to fire-and-brimstone sermons on Sunday could shake my confidence in this scientific fact and truth.

What I was dying to know, and which I am still interested today, were burning questions such as how spinster women (most of my school teachers then were not married) and celibate priests relieve their sexual urgings. From all appearances, they didn't have lovers or sex partners, so did they masturbate? If they did, was it alone in the shower or bedroom, and how frequent did they do it? Did they read porn magazines or watch porns to enhance the shaking experience? Burning questions!

In earlier, more sensible times, as we read in our history books, priests and popes fucked regularly and produced hordes of children. It was only until recently that this practice was stopped. As a result, one reads in the news of priests in the US (particularly in Catholic-dominated Boston) molesting children.

If priests and other celibates were encouraged to masturbate regularly, then they would more likely to keep their own paws to themselves and not on children, as medical researchers have discovered, according to the following report:

Sydney - Frequent masturbation may be really good for you. Research by Australia's Cancer Council Victoria found that the more often men ejaculate between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to suffer the disease that kills more than half a million men each year.

The survey of 1,079 prostate cancer patients and 1,259 healthy men found that those who masturbated or had sex at least once a day in their 20’s were a third less likely to develop the malady.

"For men in their 50's of course that's often not achievable," Graham Giles, who led the research team told Reuters on Thursday.

"(But) masturbation isn't bad for you. I don't believe in the blindness and hairy palms theory. Prohibitions against ejaculations are not based on science," he said.

The study conducted between 1994 and 1998, but still being analyzed, did not focus specifically on masturbation.

Nevertheless, it was the largest so far to ask participants not just about their sexual relations but also about masturbation and to analyze the answers.

Giles said the findings correlate with previous research that showed Roman Catholic priests were 30 percent more likely to get prostate cancer, but they contradict other studies that suggested having a variety of partners or frequent sex could lift the risk.

One theory that could explain the new results is that semen may have a carcinogenic effect on the cells lining the prostatic ducts if not flushed regularly out of the pipes by ejaculations.

"So the next time you masturbate, don’t feel guilty! Be proud! Just make sure you do it in a good sector with a good door at the RIGTH TIME and your penis is facing an auspicious direction.

When having sex, make sure your husband or wife is also sitting or lying in an auspicious direction at the RIGHT TIME so that your newborn will have a good Ba Zi chart. According to Tao Wisdom, the best place to produce newborn is in an open field where the good Qi is not blocked."

Anticipation of another bullshit!

2008-01-27T23:19:00.000+08:00

My internal agent who was at the crap-talk event today told me that he counted the number of chairs in the hall and it amounted to a max of 2,400 seats, and there were some vacant seats behind the hall. Now lets see if the JYMA website will report a number exceeding that. Perhaps some of the people were sitting on the floor, some squatting outside the doors and some watching and listening from the life-feed video in the toilet!

It was as if I was there myself. Perhaps my spirit was there even though my body was somewhere else! It's always great to have an insider friend to report all the details. Oh! And I also know who the red carpet was rolled out for. Psst! Psst! Did you know that the ex-minister lost a bunch of major money recently? How the heck did I know? Insider information lah! The world is a very small place.

The Feng Shui Marketer’s Prediction of the JYMA’s Talk on 27 February 2008

2008-01-27T00:07:00.000+08:00

The Goodies of the Rat Year

Starts by reminding everyone how much he loves Lillian Too again (Right on man!)

Explaining the annual Flying Stars chart 2008; telling people where the wealth star is, where the 5-yellow is and to avoid it, where to see and not to see the mountain and the water, and yada yada yada… (Come on already! Like we can’t find this information elsewhere for free!)

Going through the 12 Zodiacs one by one (How utterly boring!)

Using the latest ‘hot’ Hong Kong Master Li Kui Ming’s method of seasonal Ba Zi Prediction and Dong Kong Date Selection (How original is that? Copy-pussy-cat!)

Making an obvious market instability prediction (As if we don’t know already from the news!)

Making an obvious prediction on the clear and expected political poll results in Malaysia (Sister! Spare me a dime!)

Criticizing other Date Selection methods and saying he has combined it with Five Ghosts Carry Treasure formula, adding the Day 6 of Chinese New Year has a clash and a Year Breaker Day (Hey dickhead! You don’t know what you don’t know!)

Promoting his scuba diving China trip as his last trip and criticize other people’s trips (Your pubic hair had just started to grow when other people went to China! Go shave what little hair you may have! When you don’t have hair, you can’t comb hair!)

Promoting his Feng Shui on-site practical that he had forgotten to include in his countless modules (Guess who reminded him of that? Don’t stare at me man!)

Ending the talk-cock with Face Reading 2008 on the fish-tail eyes, sharp upper lips, thicker lower lips thingy (Been there, heard it, fuck it!)

The baddies of the Rat Year

He will never be humble (Not in his vocabulary)

He will never stop criticizing or making fun of others (Typical huge-door obstacles or ‘Ju Men Hua Ji’ in Zi Wei)

He will never admit his gender likings (Ouch! Sista! We are family!)

He will remain unhappy despite the material gains (Does he have a sex life at all?)

He has no choice but to climb up (There’s no where to go beyond Upper 9)

PS: His company website will lie about the turnout of the actual number of audience. Photoshop can do wonders. What a bunch of marketing bollocks!

Shame of the Past - JYMA's 2007 Predictions

1 - Off the Edge magazine: February 2007 issue (One Big Boar) - "The year of the Fire Boar is of the water element so there will be many opportunities for wealth, even in the areas of construction and development. There will be diseases affecting the digestive and intestinal system. There will be major stomach and respiratory problems. We can also see that the fire element, which went up last year is dissipating oil prices will not rise." (I regret to inform you that the oil price has been increased! - The Government of Malaysia)

2 - The Star Newspaper: 11 January 2007 (Planning for the year ahead) - "I say it is a good year. The wealth element is very strong. People in the medical profession will do better." (I wonder how many doctors and surgeons have become millionaires and billionaires. Sickness is part of life, is it not? What else is new?)

3 - The Star Newspaper: 18 February 2007 (Global Conflicts Likely) - "Threats of disease resulting from poultry and seafood... General better economy... More financial opportunities... India, Africa and Latin America taking the world stage... Western countries will face a challenging time in the first half of the year. South East Asian countries will also enjoy continued good fortune." (Well, I haven't heard or seen India, Africa and Latin America taken over the world stage from the USA, Japan and China in 2007)

Note: If someone who makes annual predictions and gets half of them right can be labelled a Feng Shui master, then I guess everyone can qualify to be one. So it's alright if your Feng Shui and Ba Zi are partially right and partially wrong. We should get 50% off for the fees, no?

Now for my prediction... JYMA will not get married in 2008 as he does not have the balls to do it! Lets check in 2009, shall we? I may just get this 100% right! Does it qualify me as a Feng Shui master instead of a Marketer? Hmmm......