The Suckers of Chinese Metaphysics

This is how crab craps about two stupidly funny little stories...

Some so-called Feng Shui monsters said the recent 'activation' of the Beijing Olympics 2008 was not on an auspicious date...

They said that 080808 at 8:00pm wasn't good as there was some kind of an eclipse a few days earlier which caused negative bad energy...

But the strangest thing was NOTHING unfortunate happened and the Beijing Games was somewhat a success with China sweeping 51 Gold Medals...


BUT THE STORY DOESN'T END HERE... ... ...

Some also predicted that Hilary Clinton would be the next US President (please take a good look and listen to her)...

She lost!

Could Mr. Barrack Obama be the next US President?

How about Mr. John McCain? Will he be the next US President? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps...

Should we not check Obama's and McCain's face, palm, Ba Zi and Zi Wei, and even their Feng Shui? Perhaps we should check them all!

If the so-called Feng Shui monsters get them wrong again. Perhaps it's time to say "BYE-BYE" birdie! Just shoot the sucker birds in the head! Hey! I mean the big head lah... What were you thinking?

For Feng Shui or Spiritual Objective?

Is this thing for real? A mirror, a paint brush and a scissors. Is it used to ward off Sha Qi or evil spirits? Beats the hell out of Crap! Whatever......

Even (Some) More Stories and Lessons on Feng Shui

Special note: This is the 4th edition book on 'Feng Shui Lessons and Stories' published by Crappy Publication House for the enjoyment of citizens of the Chinese Metaphysics world...

To Title or Not To Title
(To Admit or Not To Admit – That is the Shit!)

Most of my Feng Shui studies were done in Hong Kong with a number of Masters there. I admire the level of professionalism and integrity among the practitioners in a country where Feng Shui is employed extensively.

Until today, he has no guts and is too chicken shit to admit who his Hong Kong masters are. Talk about professionalism and integrity. It seems like this little boy has got a lot more to learn and a long way to go. We can only see if his money will take him farther. Perhaps it’ll only stop at Macau. Anyway, shouldn’t one be proud of who one learns from? What is there to hide? What is there to be ashamed of? Perhaps his REAL Master and ‘Father’ is not from Hong Kong after all? The only Grandmaster in the world today…


The Myth Behind Lineage
(The Truth In Front of Lineage)

What is the significance of lineage and what bearing does it have on picking a qualified Feng Shui practitioner?

It is as if he’s asking his own father how important his father is to him and if his father is qualified to be his father after he was born and after he could walk and talk. In other words, rude boy is trying to teach his father how to fuck!

In the present environment, where anyone with gray hair can claim to be a lineage holder, it’s important to verify their claims. If gray hair was a testament to grand lineage, then all the residents of the local old folk’s home might very well be lineage holders as well.

Look who yapping… Little boy’s body hair hasn’t finished growing yet and he’s talking about other’s gray hair. It takes awhile for one’s gray hair to appear and some say gray hair shows wisdom. We’re not sure if all the gray hair people in the old folk’s home are any wiser, but we really hope they are. Some people gain their experience and fame through having gray hair and some young boy gain his experience and fake fame through paying a large amount of money. We’re pretty sure his own father has some gray hair too… Is his father the holder of some kind of grand lineage too? Oh! What gray matter!


Another Marketing Tool?
(Other’s Marketing Stool?)

The layperson may not always be aware of this, so don’t always take it at face value when a Feng Shui practitioner claims to be of a certain lineage – ask him or her, politely and respectfully, about the roots of his or her lineage. Who are their teachers? Who taught their teachers? Do they have the exact lineage tree?

Perhaps we would like him to answer his own questions honestly and truthfully. Let’s just ask him politely and a little less respectfully, “Who are his real teachers? Who taught his ‘made-up’ teachers? And if he can’t answer the first two questions, never mind the exact lineage tree. Let’s not waste our precious essence.


Clan Mentality – A Barrier to Knowledge
(Open Mentality – Everything Pours Out)

This resulted in both schools missing the obvious point – why not apply the theories from each other’s school and achieve even more exceptional results? Devotion to lineage and fixation with the supremacy of their own theories lead to a lack of development in looking for methods to combine the theories effectively.

Exceptional results? If he’s the proof of them, then he won’t be writing such rubbish for sale, would he? We know his results aren’t any close to good, never mind exceptional. Most of the time, he likes to confuse himself between true respect and loyalty with devotion and fixation. The truth of the matter is… he’s got really very very very few true friends or anyone who really respects him and that explains the insecurity and untrustworthiness among his own clan. Trying to combine the theories effectively? Well, if that could be done, then why did the world wait so long for this idiot to do it? If it could be done, someone else would have done it earlier. It’s as if he’s trying to mix oil and water together when the truth is oil and water can’t mix. Well, that goes to show how desperate this person is trying to prove his worthiness in an already unworthy world he’s created for himself.

So we come back to the question: does this lineage stuff matter? Does the pedigree of your Feng Shui Master matter? After all, Deng Xiao Peng once said, “It doesn’t matter if the cat is black or white, as long as it catches mice.”

So we come almost full circle, if lineage doesn’t matter, then why do royal families and any other families for that matter have family trees and respect their ancestors and lineage? An orphan like him who can’t admit his own lineage would only bad-mouth others with lineage. How pathetic! I pity this orphan child who grew old only to forsake his own blood-line.

If anyone were to engage a master for Yin Feng Shui, do make sure that the Master is a ‘black cat’; the blackness is due to real experience out in the tropical sun. If you engage a ‘white cat’ master, he may die of dehydration and sunburn. Whereas for Yang Feng Shui, we’re pretty sure the ‘black cat’ Master has more experience as the ‘white cat’ master is still recovering from his dehydration and sunburn. He needs to wait for his hair to grow back and perhaps wait longer for his hair to turn gray.


A professional practitioner is one who can integrate different systems, different schools and different practices into his work without conflict.

A good practitioner is one who can integrate different systems, different schools and different practices into his work without conflict.

You can see from the above two lines that the only word that is different is “professional” and “good.” We wonder why the repetition with only a change of a word. Is he trying to fill up the empty space of the book? What about all the ‘cartoonish’ pictures? Is it to make the book look thicker and feel heavier? Seriously now, get this one… if he expects no conflict for combining some things which are already different in the first place, isn’t he trying to indicate how stupid he is? If all those things - systems, schools and practices are the same, then why were they given different names in the beginning? Simply because they are all different! So now he’s trying to combine not only oil with water, but mixing them with sand some more. Let’s just wish him good luck in his endeavours as time will tell if he will succeed or otherwise.


Bore, Bored, Boring

Bright Hall – Almost every of his books mention Bright Hall. Is there nothing else he could write about? Is Bright Hall more important in Yang House or Yin House? Do we still call Bright Hall bright hall during the night when it’s dark?

Roads – He says that in modern days, roads are like rivers. If that is so, then the cars travelling on the roads must be like the fish swimming in the rivers. Hey! Have you driven a fish before? What smell? Audi? Great choice? If a curving road can cut a house like a knife – named Sha Qi – he really doesn’t know about the 81 Combinations of 4-6 and 6-4. Someone please inform the government to build only straight roads to avoid Sha Qi. Thank you!

Kitchen – According to him, the kitchen which can cause sickness must be located at the bad sector of a house. Try locating your kitchen in the 5-9 and 9-5 sectors and see what happens? Wait a minute! Are we missing the point here? Kitchen or ...? A house cannot have an island stove? You got to be kidding! Most houses in the West have island stove. Are they all sick then? Let’s migrate to the West and become doctors.


Acknowledgement: Crappy Publication House really hope that you've enjoyed the yappidi yappidi yappidi yapyapyap above... Just remember that the 'Crappy System' and the 'Yappy System' don't integrate very well. "Thou shall not mix!"

It's all in the bullshits

Note: A piece of shitty kindergarten article came out in the Malaysian national newspaper yesterday. Below is an excerpt from the crap article by a local 'doesn't know it any better' so-called Feng Shui monster...

August 8 and China

Is today a good date for China?

Before selecting a date, it is pertinent to look at the days before the day and not at the day itself.

"The art of date selection is not just about choosing the right day. I wonder if they know that on Aug 1, there was a total eclipse of the sun, and the eclipse path went through from Russia into China," mused yappy.

"Everytime an eclipse happens, it has a negative short term effect on the countries/ areas that the eclipse crosses. So, even though it's a good day today, the powers are greatly diminished by the eclipse that had taken place on Aug 1."


Source from a Chinese Classic (English translated)

The king who waited for a sign

At the lunar eclipse in 1065 BCE, Ji Fa (Zhou Wenwang, better known in the West as King Wen) wrote to his sons from his prison cell. He was expecting a signal from the heavens that Zhou would rule instead of Shang. It was the same signal his father (Ji Li) had been expecting. The eclipse gave King Wen hope that it would occur in his lifetime.

Zhou astronomers knew that there would be another conjunction of the five major planets. To the Chinese, these conjunctions indicated a shift in the fortunes of those on Earth. One of these conjunctions started the Chinese calendar. Another signaled the ascendance of the Xia at the time of Yu. A later conjunction heralded the end of Xia and the start of Shang. That was nearly a thousand years before Wen's time. The impending conjunction was going to elevate the Zhou.

Is it just a coincidence that King Wen was imprisoned in 1068 BCE, the same year that a new Shang calendar was established? Perhaps Wenwang pointed out some flaws in the calendar, or the newfangled rituals that accompanied it; and that's what prompted the king to throw him in prison.

Challenging the accuracy of a calendar was a form of treason in those days. It's a wonder Wenwang wasn't beheaded. After all, he and his father expected a change in the Mandate.

There must have been flaws, because the new calendar apparently failed to account for the lunar eclipse. It was the eclipse that prompted the happy letter from Wenwang to his sons.

Without an accurate calendar, King Di Xin would lose the confidence of the people. According to the Shujing and other sources, the king and his ministers seemed oblivious that Shangdi had turned against him.

The correct orientation of any consecrated space, the scheduling of religious ceremonies, and the proper conduct of seasonal occupations all depended on the king. The ability to comprehend the celestial patterns (e.g., seasonal constellations) and to maintain conformity between astral and terrestrial realms became a fundamental qualification for kingship.

This crisis echoed the changing of the Mandate from the Xia to the Shang in the Shujing: [Xia hereditary astronomers] … have violated the duties of their office, and left their posts. They have been the first to let the regulating of the heavenly (bodies) get into disorder, putting far from them their proper business. On the first day of the last month of autumn, the sun and moon did not meet harmoniously in [xiu] Fang. [The astronomers] heard nothing and knew nothing — so stupidly went they astray (from their duties) in the matter of the heavenly appearances,and rendered themselves liable to the death appointed by the former kings.

What does a Mandate look like?

The Zhou rejoiced in 1062 BCE when King Wen was released from prison. The Mandate appeared on 28 May 1059 BCE. Wenwang named 1058 BCE as the year when Heaven's Mandate was entrusted to the Zhou, and proclaimed himself universal king.

Mozi explained how the Mandate appeared:

A red bird holding a gui by its beak alighted on Mt. Qi proclaiming: "Heaven decrees King Wen of Zhou to punish Yin and possess its empire."

Book 5, Chapter 19

Just a few notes: the url I gave you is not the one with the long article, I must have bookmarked the wrong one. However, this notation 'Book 5, Chapter 19' is probably the Book of History, available online at Sacred Texts.org. I saw your energy ball, it reminds me of a weird encounter with a polaroid in an island cemetery in Belize: a simple cement cross on a grave came out surrounded and ablaze with white light with the background barely visible through a blue glaze. I took another photo of the graves just to see if anything was wrong with the film and all the graves were surrounded with white light, thicker and slightly curved at the sides. Strange!

Personally I believe that with some 4,000 astronomers, diviners, and other soothsayers, King Wen knew that he would die before the mandate passed to Zhou. I believe the sign for death would have been the eclipse (there are 3 solar eclipses around this time, all partial) but I could not say which one. I think the 4 sons and the heir apparent simply turned every celestial sign into the Mandate much like Bush appearing in front of the Victory Banner to announce 'victory' in Iraq. If the Zhou didn't know King Wen was going to die, they would have been really stupid and I don't think that is the case.

The Zhou sons after the battle of Mu fought with each other (including the Duke of Zhou who is credited with writing much of the Zhouyi) for 5 years eventually the young regent assumed the kingship and left the Duke of Zhou who had been his protector and guide and who ultimately betrayed him in a grab for power. I think it could have been a great power move by the other 3 sons, each who had armies to take the Duke of Zhou out of the field of battle and on the sidelines babysitting this young regent. Eventually the capital was moved eastwards while the Duke of Zhou remained in the old western capital. There is debate now as to exactly where this western city was. The red bird thereafter became the symbol of the South. Prior to the Zhou the bird had been the pheasant. I was excited to see the feather of pheasants in graves of the apparently Caucasian mummies of the Taklamakan desert. For me the pheasant would be the symbol of the South.

Crap Commentaries:

Feng Shui originated from China. Have some respect lah! Do not forget your ancestors and your lineage, and where your forefathers came from... if not China, then where?

So when reading a Ba Zi chart, one should check and look at the days before a person was born. That's new and sounds somewhat really truly stupid! Who the hell taught this little boy how to bullshit this way?!

Is it true that the eclipse of the sun brings negative effects where it passes through? I don't think so... If that is so, how about the people observing and witnessing the happening, will they be affected by the negative effects too? Will these people die young?

Thoughts running wild now... How about babies born on the days the eclipse of the sun and moon happen, will the Ba Zi charts of these babies be affected by the negative energies? If so, parents to be - legally or illegally - choose a good date before 'making' your baby. It is pertinent that you know this 'new' information on date selection.

Please... please... please read and reread the above translation on "Wenwang and the Zhou Dynasty." Perhaps you may be enlightened on the eclipses. Some brainless amatuer self-proclaimed Feng Shui monsters like to criticize and insult others to make themselves look great. As if by blowing out other's candle makes his brighter... If so, then this dumb-ass nincompoop will have a tough time doing blow jobs!

Summer Chilling Out...

Master of craps chilling out on top of the world...


Dating fat boy... (for slim gals only)


To be or not to be gay; that is the answer...


Golden banana for auction... (for monk-ies only)


Can you spot the difference? Answered already...