Even (Some) More Stories and Lessons on Feng Shui

Special note: This is the 4th edition book on 'Feng Shui Lessons and Stories' published by Crappy Publication House for the enjoyment of citizens of the Chinese Metaphysics world...

To Title or Not To Title
(To Admit or Not To Admit – That is the Shit!)

Most of my Feng Shui studies were done in Hong Kong with a number of Masters there. I admire the level of professionalism and integrity among the practitioners in a country where Feng Shui is employed extensively.

Until today, he has no guts and is too chicken shit to admit who his Hong Kong masters are. Talk about professionalism and integrity. It seems like this little boy has got a lot more to learn and a long way to go. We can only see if his money will take him farther. Perhaps it’ll only stop at Macau. Anyway, shouldn’t one be proud of who one learns from? What is there to hide? What is there to be ashamed of? Perhaps his REAL Master and ‘Father’ is not from Hong Kong after all? The only Grandmaster in the world today…


The Myth Behind Lineage
(The Truth In Front of Lineage)

What is the significance of lineage and what bearing does it have on picking a qualified Feng Shui practitioner?

It is as if he’s asking his own father how important his father is to him and if his father is qualified to be his father after he was born and after he could walk and talk. In other words, rude boy is trying to teach his father how to fuck!

In the present environment, where anyone with gray hair can claim to be a lineage holder, it’s important to verify their claims. If gray hair was a testament to grand lineage, then all the residents of the local old folk’s home might very well be lineage holders as well.

Look who yapping… Little boy’s body hair hasn’t finished growing yet and he’s talking about other’s gray hair. It takes awhile for one’s gray hair to appear and some say gray hair shows wisdom. We’re not sure if all the gray hair people in the old folk’s home are any wiser, but we really hope they are. Some people gain their experience and fame through having gray hair and some young boy gain his experience and fake fame through paying a large amount of money. We’re pretty sure his own father has some gray hair too… Is his father the holder of some kind of grand lineage too? Oh! What gray matter!


Another Marketing Tool?
(Other’s Marketing Stool?)

The layperson may not always be aware of this, so don’t always take it at face value when a Feng Shui practitioner claims to be of a certain lineage – ask him or her, politely and respectfully, about the roots of his or her lineage. Who are their teachers? Who taught their teachers? Do they have the exact lineage tree?

Perhaps we would like him to answer his own questions honestly and truthfully. Let’s just ask him politely and a little less respectfully, “Who are his real teachers? Who taught his ‘made-up’ teachers? And if he can’t answer the first two questions, never mind the exact lineage tree. Let’s not waste our precious essence.


Clan Mentality – A Barrier to Knowledge
(Open Mentality – Everything Pours Out)

This resulted in both schools missing the obvious point – why not apply the theories from each other’s school and achieve even more exceptional results? Devotion to lineage and fixation with the supremacy of their own theories lead to a lack of development in looking for methods to combine the theories effectively.

Exceptional results? If he’s the proof of them, then he won’t be writing such rubbish for sale, would he? We know his results aren’t any close to good, never mind exceptional. Most of the time, he likes to confuse himself between true respect and loyalty with devotion and fixation. The truth of the matter is… he’s got really very very very few true friends or anyone who really respects him and that explains the insecurity and untrustworthiness among his own clan. Trying to combine the theories effectively? Well, if that could be done, then why did the world wait so long for this idiot to do it? If it could be done, someone else would have done it earlier. It’s as if he’s trying to mix oil and water together when the truth is oil and water can’t mix. Well, that goes to show how desperate this person is trying to prove his worthiness in an already unworthy world he’s created for himself.

So we come back to the question: does this lineage stuff matter? Does the pedigree of your Feng Shui Master matter? After all, Deng Xiao Peng once said, “It doesn’t matter if the cat is black or white, as long as it catches mice.”

So we come almost full circle, if lineage doesn’t matter, then why do royal families and any other families for that matter have family trees and respect their ancestors and lineage? An orphan like him who can’t admit his own lineage would only bad-mouth others with lineage. How pathetic! I pity this orphan child who grew old only to forsake his own blood-line.

If anyone were to engage a master for Yin Feng Shui, do make sure that the Master is a ‘black cat’; the blackness is due to real experience out in the tropical sun. If you engage a ‘white cat’ master, he may die of dehydration and sunburn. Whereas for Yang Feng Shui, we’re pretty sure the ‘black cat’ Master has more experience as the ‘white cat’ master is still recovering from his dehydration and sunburn. He needs to wait for his hair to grow back and perhaps wait longer for his hair to turn gray.


A professional practitioner is one who can integrate different systems, different schools and different practices into his work without conflict.

A good practitioner is one who can integrate different systems, different schools and different practices into his work without conflict.

You can see from the above two lines that the only word that is different is “professional” and “good.” We wonder why the repetition with only a change of a word. Is he trying to fill up the empty space of the book? What about all the ‘cartoonish’ pictures? Is it to make the book look thicker and feel heavier? Seriously now, get this one… if he expects no conflict for combining some things which are already different in the first place, isn’t he trying to indicate how stupid he is? If all those things - systems, schools and practices are the same, then why were they given different names in the beginning? Simply because they are all different! So now he’s trying to combine not only oil with water, but mixing them with sand some more. Let’s just wish him good luck in his endeavours as time will tell if he will succeed or otherwise.


Bore, Bored, Boring

Bright Hall – Almost every of his books mention Bright Hall. Is there nothing else he could write about? Is Bright Hall more important in Yang House or Yin House? Do we still call Bright Hall bright hall during the night when it’s dark?

Roads – He says that in modern days, roads are like rivers. If that is so, then the cars travelling on the roads must be like the fish swimming in the rivers. Hey! Have you driven a fish before? What smell? Audi? Great choice? If a curving road can cut a house like a knife – named Sha Qi – he really doesn’t know about the 81 Combinations of 4-6 and 6-4. Someone please inform the government to build only straight roads to avoid Sha Qi. Thank you!

Kitchen – According to him, the kitchen which can cause sickness must be located at the bad sector of a house. Try locating your kitchen in the 5-9 and 9-5 sectors and see what happens? Wait a minute! Are we missing the point here? Kitchen or ...? A house cannot have an island stove? You got to be kidding! Most houses in the West have island stove. Are they all sick then? Let’s migrate to the West and become doctors.


Acknowledgement: Crappy Publication House really hope that you've enjoyed the yappidi yappidi yappidi yapyapyap above... Just remember that the 'Crappy System' and the 'Yappy System' don't integrate very well. "Thou shall not mix!"