FREE Crab Bites!

Up for crab grab!

FREE tickets to crappy Canton Talk in KL in June.

If can't get it free.

Then pay RM0.88 cents only lah...

Let's do the crab walk!

Reach for the Stars or dunk for the shits?!

Turn dreams into nightmares

Goals into fantasies

It takes just one time to get JAPPED! If you're not aware, then Just Jap will jap you again and again for your money!

The one time only happens to be many last times and other times, Crap's pretty sure.

Just a few freaking days to be powerfully skilled in Feng Shui. Even teenagers have to learn a few times to be only good at wanking it away.

Who the heck are they fooling and fucking around with?!

You think the public is stupid?! Wait till they get Good Riddance of you Just Jappy!

Pray to your 3 God and Goddess if you will. You shall need all the help you can get.

Crap shall pray and burn some crab meat for you there. Your favourite dish at your tomb.

You're welcome! Now go wank yourself off!

Online, offline, stop the lie! Please...

If learning Chinese Metaphysics were really so easy, then everyone would be Feng Shui masters by now. But that's not the fact and truth!

Come on already! Learn online for a substantial discount and get a certification!?

What the fuck is this?! Who the hell are they fooling?!

Stick the crap up their own arse!

Lesser strain on your wallet, but more strain on your brain! Don't let the monsters wash your brain y'all!

And yet another eerie sale...

Is that right?

Save the environment and paperless?!

YEAH! Right!

Are the paper books not selling well?

Secrets revealed eh?

Go check out all the amatuer books on some bookstore shelves.

Most of the crap books are translated from Chinese classics anyway.

What awful showmanship without the real essence!

Beware of Crap Feng Shui Virus before you waste your hard earned money and start to download a bunch of shitty craps!

Good luck to you too!

Why not just Bright Hall at the Tunnel End?

If the light was so bright, why didn't those who are regretting see it in the first place?

Sounds more like motivation than Chinese Metaphysics!


They are 2 different issues...


Mixing them both means that neither one is complete knowledge.


If the knowledge was complete, then it would be needless to mix anything together at all.


Chinese Metaphysics is Chinese Metaphysics.


And motivation is motivation.


No everyone is doing badly during an economy crisis.


Some even prosper during turbulence times.


Perhaps the company promoting it is in difficulty, at last...


We shall see how long it will go on, crapping the world with its bundle of crow dung...

The Slum Sale is on again!

In times of turbulence, it's good to have sales, so that we know that the company (MA - Misery Anatomy) is also going through a difficult time. How do we know that? Well, check out the 25% off Stupid Sale! Happy selling dorks!

Walking the Worms with Crab in China... ... ... and Malaysia

Nitty Noting: Once a weekend, on an evening after dinner, if you have the chance, interest and time to catch a really crappy TV program on a paid channel of 113, be sure to strap yourself to your chair - just in case - you might be laughing your head off and start rolling on the ground...

Why?

The show is so silly and stupid if you know some things - real things - about Feng Shui. Crab bet that you'll be smiling and laughing away and away...

Why again?

If you don't know anything about Feng Shui, then you might just be impressed!

Not all said and done, let's Walk the Worms with Crap, and with Jappy and 2 chics...

The curtain opens exposing Jappy's breast and nipples underneath that thin white shirt
(Oh please help! Such obscenity!)

Yeah! The word disaster or inauspiciousness is right in Chinese
"How come Crab has never heard of reflection Sha?"
"Must be something new and creative..."


Food for Feng Shui or Feng Shui food?
"Or nothing much to say about Yin Feng Shui?"
Shows how much Jappy knows what she thinks she knows


The silly marketing show also features a little bit of LT
(Perhaps she did learn something from LT after all)
With all due respect to LT for "globalising" Feng Shui


What else not?
The silly show also teaches one how to blow a Hu Lu pipe job
"You go blow girl!"


Seriously now...
Measuring a tombstone at the tombstone is all the correct one lah
"And this she has learned, at last!"


Not so serious now...
Do not be fooled by diagrams meant for tourists
Or her interpretations may just be all the wrong one...


"Aiyaiyaiyaiyai! There are more TV commercials than essence!"
And the chics talk more than her leh...
"Notice the no-tie, unbuttoned sleeves, untucked shirt and jeans?"
"Whatever happened to the tie and the coat?"

Perhaps the generous sponsor has wasted the couple of million RM bucks sponsorship?

The Best Crabseller Ever!

Why the hell a 50% off when it's a bestseller?

Perhaps it isn't selling that best after all...

Another piece of crab shit from Just Jappy.

Jap Jap Jap Jap Jap Jap Jap Jap Jap Jappy!

Give it a break and stop japping around already!

The Best of the Best of Crab is Back!

Click on picture to enlarge image

To be the best,

Learn from the best,

Look to the East,

Look to the West,

Don't be fooled by this jest,

Or you'll be beating your chest,

Don't be cheated by this fest,

Or you'll be forever stressed,

But if you're fooled and cheated by the best,

You shall not regret,

For you can always look for the Crab,

So that you won't feel so bad...

A Change of Heart

Let the

refining

and improving

of your own life

keep you

so busy

that you have

little time

to criticize others.

Kiong Hee Huat Chai Ah!

Tai Keh Huat Chai Leh... Mooo...

Have a Sexy New Year People!

Be Naughty...

Be Nice...

Be Whatever...

Be Yourself...

Hoping New Year 2-0-0-9!

Yoho! Yoho! Yoho! Sexy "X" Mas Everybody!

Hoppy Holelidays!

Crab is going to "WALK THE DRAGON" soon...

MEMO: After some serious 'Gua Plucking', 'Balls Plucking', Qi Men Dun Jia, Yi Ching, Plum Blossom, Cherry Blossom, Lotus Blossom, Peach Blossom and what-not divinations, Crappy is going on a Feng Shui Excursion Holiday in Spring 2009 to Taiwan which is well-known for producing some famous Feng Shui Masters and also a manufacturer of Luo Pans. Perhaps Crappy could update and upgrade Crappy's Crab Feng Shui knowledge and skills after the excursion. We shall discover more pretty soon...

A Feng Shui Excursion of the little Dragon in Taiwan

PS: Register now! Limited seats! With Early Birdie Price!

PPSS: This is the first and last Feng Shui Excursion in Taiwan. Not a joke!

PPPSSS: They may consider going back to China the next time due to popular demands!

WE'LL SEE!

The King and the Fish Shit Over the Grave

Note: The following article came from a known source, written by a naive Feng Shui proletarian who is trying very hard to prove himself worthy and to please the hands that feed him. It is such a shame and a bloody embarrassment for someone who doesn't realize what the heck he's writing about. Here's another obtuse attempting to insult the Feng Shui Masters who have gone before him. Eat your silly words boy!



During one of the tomb visits on the recent China Excursion, one student quipped that the tombstone did not have a ‘dragon neck’.

Say what? Some of us stopped dead in our tracks. Did we miss some Feng Shui secret?

“You know,” she said. “The part where the tombstone is connected to the ground via a tunnel of soil...?” She was dead serious so no one laughed. After further cross-examination, she revealed that her previous (and first) exposure to Yin House Feng Shui was somewhat peculiar – a small brick passageway was made right behind the tombstone to the ground, so that the ‘Qi can travel up to the stone’.

I thought the Qi was received by the bones and DNA of the body? Never realized that the stone was supposed to be the recipient of good Feng Shui…

Thankfully, after more Yin House visits all over China later – and seeing that there was no such thing as a ‘dragon neck’ for the tombstone – our dear confused friend was convinced. In fact, older Yin House Feng Shui is done without the tombstone. After all, the point of Feng Shui is to locate a spot which gathers Qi and to use it. In this case, ‘using it’ would mean burial.


Crap Commentaries:~

- Would the ancient Feng Shui Masters actually tell and show others if they did make a 'dragon neck' behind the tombstone or not? Your guess is as good as mine.

- Next time, if anyone goes to a China or even Taiwan or even Hong Kong Feng Shui Excursion, make damn sure you bring a shovel and a hoe to dig the graves to check for the 'dragon neck'!

- If Qi is not received through the tombstone, why then build the tombstone with a specific direction? Why then do we even build houses and buildings? We might all as well stay out in the open to receive the good Qi!

- And just how many dead bodies has the naive author bury? Talk is cheap!

- And and and how many tombstones has the naive author erected other than his own "tool"? Talk is really very cheap!


The Devil Made Me Do It
(The Angel Made Me Debunk This)

Yin House Feng Shui is just another topic that is subjected to a great deal of deliberate misinformation and abuse. Every other person tries to appear mysterious and quirky – which innocent students mistakenly equate to being learned. We hear things like ‘offering rice to the Luo Pan’ after a Yin House consultation because the Luo Pan is a mystical object, although the last any respectable Feng Shui practitioner has heard, Luo Pans are magnetic compasses, made mainly in Taiwan and Hong Kong. Unless you haven’t seen a magnet in your life, a compass would hardly appear as ‘magical’.

One may be tempted to argue that perhaps such spectacular practice belong to the ‘secret knowledge of certain lineage-holders’… but I bid you hold your horses: first of all, no classical text has ever mentioned or even hinted at burial techniques such as ‘building a dragon neck’. In fact, the ‘dragon neck’ refers specifically to the land formation that connects the main dragon to the star form. It’s not something one can reconstruct.

Secondly, no Yin House tomb – successful ones at least – all over the history of China has ever been seen with such a thing! So how come now? Even Grandmaster Yang Yun Song’s own tomb is unmarked – and his good name and work still live on till today; Huang Tai Ji’s founding of the Qing dynasty began with an accidental ancestral burial at the foot of an elm tree, tapping into a ‘Reverse Dragon Overlooking Ancestors’ superior formation.

In fact, there is nothing too extraordinary when it comes to Yin House Feng Shui. If you know your San He landforms fundamentals well, you can do Yin House OR Yang House. However, Flying Stars and Eight Mansions would not suffice. Clearly because those are internal Feng Shui formulas – how do you demarcate the 9 Palace grid inside a tomb? So now if you hear something like ‘using the coffin to tap the double 8 stars’… you know better now.


Crap Commentaries:~

- It's only proper to respect the Luo Pan that every Feng Shui practitioner owns and uses, is there a need to belittle and discredit a Luo Pan saying that it is just a magnet? Why doesn't the naive author use just a magnet then? No wonder his Luo Pan is not respecting him in return; cause he never offers his own Luo Pan rice! Guess his Luo Pan is not yet hungry!

- First of all, the naive author doesn't know how to read Chinese, be it if any Classical text ever mentioned about 'reconstructing a dragon neck' or not. A secret will always remain a secret when no one reveals the truth to one. Do hold your own dumb horse by remembering that someday, thee too shall not dishonour your own 'hidden' lineage.

- A great example where Luck lives longer than Life! How does naive author know if the past Masters's graves have or have not the 'dragon neck'? Did he actually dig the graves to take a look? Silly cow actually believes in accident. Yeah rite! What happened to the Luck element in Chinese Metaphysics? Ignorance is what shows when one thinks that Luck happens by accident!

- Did Crap read using Flying Stars and Eight Mansions for Yin OR Yang House Feng Shui? And using a coffin to tap the double 8 stars? If the coffin starts tapping... RUN!


Aiming For the Neck
(Aiming For the Crap)

In today’s Feng Shui arena, everyone strives to come up with something new. While it is a commendable effort, we should try not to stretch classical principles too thin. Or the novelty wears off. It becomes laughable.

Standing at the actual neck of a dragon (read: mountain range) is truly a humbling/exhilarating experience for every Feng Shui student. Imagine this: you are way up high above ground-level and it’s very windy – but when you find the slight dip of the neck – the winds stops. Because good quality dragon necks are protected by natural mountain formations at the sides, and as such, wind does not hit it.

Why this is so important is because the ‘neck’ connects all the Qi of the main dragon ranges and channels it to the star form where the Qi is released to the vicinity. Left unprotected (the case of inferior dragon ranges), being exposed to the winds means that the quality of Qi is diminished.

And again, I refer to the neck of the actual dragon…


Crap Commentaries:~

- Did the naive author actually stand on a real 'dragon neck'? Perhaps it was just a jutting dragon butt! Wind? Yeah rite! The Dragon farted!

- Well, we can sum up that the naive author knows little but doesn't know a lot. Has he ever seen the 'Dragon Breath'?

- Perhaps the naive author was brought home by a Kingfisher after all, since he's got no lineage. We'll see who gets to laugh out loud and hopefully not the last one to pass out...

"What is this? What is that? What is this and that?"

"Is it the real DRAGON NECK?"

"So which is the real neck and which is the breath?"

The Funky Remix...

Note: Some Feng Shui monsters like to mix different formulas and methods together in the hope of getting the 'best' of all worlds. But have they succeeded so far? Time and truth shall tell...

If Flying Stars Feng Shui is used for

Pre_dick_tion

and

Eight Mansions Feng Shui is used for

Pre_cock_tion

"What do we get in the end?"

Per_fuck_tion!

Little Boyz to Men to Old Men to OH MAN!

Feng Shui book for kindergarten level


Feng Shui book for adults only

Feng Shui book for senior citizens

Mr. President is Barack Obama

Congratulations! The new US President is Mr. Barack Obama, from the Democratic Party! So now 'CHANGE' will prevail in the US of A.

Crap still likes Johnny McCain. Too bad! Perhaps next time Johnny will have another chance. May be better luck next time! Shoot that shorty!

What An Indirect Honour!

Taken on October 2008

(10 months later)

Taken on December 2007

(10 months earlier)

Taken on October 2008

(10 months later)

Taken on December 2007

(10 months earlier)

The final day began with students doing a final site audit, and this was in Guang Ming Shan temple. The temple is reputedly the 'master work' of Feng Shui master Hong Shuan, who was famous for employing the Xuan Kong Flying Stars Feng Shui methods for performing Feng Shui audits. For this site, students had to assess the external landforms first and foremost, before applying Xuan Kong Flying Stars for the internal sectors and see how it matched up with Master Hong Shuan's assessment.

Crappy Acknowledgement: It is truly an honour for the 'best Feng Shui school' in the world to conduct their practical session at the ever famous Kong Meng San Phor Kark See Monastery on Bright Hill Road, Singapore. It is rather a pleasant surprise as they have been insulting, disrespecting, dishonouring and bad-mouthing lineage and tilted doors.

Poodle Ponderings:~

"Are not all the doors (including the toilet doors) tilted at the Kong Meng San Monastery?"

"Did not the late Master Hung Chuan come from the lineage of T'ang Yang Wu and Yen Pen?"

"How can they audit and tell the exact methods that the late Master Hung Chuan used if they're not from the same lineage?"

"Are they simply guessing, with the hope of hitting the correct answers, if they're lucky enough?"

"Do they know why all the doors were tilted in the first place?"

"Do they know why all the doors were tilted at different angles?"

"Are the Flying Stars charts still the same?"

"Do all the monks at the monastery have crooked mouths?"

"I hope not, as all the monks will die of hunger!"

"It's still not too late to repent and try to learn the right things!"

TIME and TRUTH shall tell...

The Next US President: Unsolicited predictions by people who won't be voting anyway...

Will the next US President be Mr. John McCain since he's got a good chin?


Will the next US President be Mr. Barack Obama since he's got a pair of good ears?

Crappy Commentary: We shall wait and see the final results if the chin is more dominant or the ears are more dominant?

The Next US President: Elected by the US Citizens or by K.P.C. (ke po ci - busybody) Chinese Metaphysics Astrologers?

Crappy Commentaries: Crab may not know any Ba Zi or Zi Wei or even Face Reading. But Crab knows when to crap and when not to crap. Let's wait and see what kind of craps some Feng Shui and Ba Zi practitioners have come up with to promote themselves and their skills.

"What has the next US Presidential election got to do with them?" Beats Crab!

But Crab votes for Mr. John McCain as Crab kind of like him, a lot!

Aging graciously with a healthy body and a less crappy mind

Do you know that by just walking for 30 minutes, 3 to 4 times a week is enough to combat aging?

According to researchers at the University of California, one of the principle causes of deterioration of the human organism’s physical faculties is its diminished ability to metabolize glucose. And they showed that even leisurely exercise, like taking a walk, plays an important role in keeping glucose metabolism functioning smoothly.

Do you spend the whole day sitting at your desk or in front of a computer screen? Why not get up occasionally and do a few minutes of physical exercise? Don’t worry about what other people think.

In some Japanese companies, it has even become a collective habit. Every 20 minutes a bell sounds, and everybody gets up to do some stretching exercises, after which they sit down again as if nothing has happened. Japanese managers are convinced that their employees are more productive when they are relaxed.



Do you know that sexual activities can keep you looking good as you age? Studies conducted in Sweden have shown that elderly people who have sexual partners have much more vitality and a better memory than those who do not.

So don’t let your golden years deprive you of the pleasures of sex!

Just forget about the obsession of having to 'perform' - the final result is less important than the stimulation itself.

CONfused Formation

Once... it was Lotus Formation...

Now... it is Plum Blossom Formation...

Then... will it be Peach Blossom Formation?

MAKE UP YOUR FREAKIN' MIND ALREADY!

Irresistible Crab!

Because he is so full of crab!


Just kiss the Crab!

International Baby Boom!

"What an honour. Do we look alike or what?"


"I'm going on an international flight, with my ass exposed!"

Dabble Your Destiny, Screw Your Life

SPECIAL TASK: Please compare the 2 pictures below...

Front view picture


Back view picture

NOTE:

Let us all celebrate the amazing success...

SPECIAL NOTE:

Now, let's Design Your Destiny, Enrich Your Life.

Will the seminar change your life for the better or otherwise?

Time shall tell the truth.

Deadline: September 2009.

See you all again next year!

Bye-bye birdie!